So...how ya doin'? You enjoyed/survived/tolerated/rejoiced in/bah humbugged/delighted in Christmas. And you're still here. Good for you. Be proud of you.
If you know anything about me, you know I love Christmas. Yet, like many of you, my Christmases carry loss and sorrow as we mourn those who aren't here with us. I miss my parents so much that it hurts. Not all the time, of course, but sometimes the pain takes my breath away, still so sharp and clear after all these years. And other precious family members and dear friends, all lost now...I remember them, too. Even so, I still rejoice in Christmas. Not because of the gifts or the food or the shopping or the TV specials on PBS, although they are all enjoyable--except the shopping, but that is the price we pay for wanting to give to those we care about.
No, I rejoice in Christmas not for any of those things, but for the hope. The idea that the birth of a small child would cause a ripple in history. A child who would grow up and go forth and preach a message of love and acceptance. He would suffer terribly and he would be killed for his words.
A huge story started then, a story that would change the world and set in motion great times and small things, terrible events and glorious actions. That's the story of Easter: tragedy and terror, loss and sorrow, murder and miracle, redemption and glory.
But on Christmas, we remember the beginning, the trembling fear and overwhelming joy every parent feels when they hold their newborn, the expectation of things to come, that moment when it seems the world pauses in expectation, the first lusty breath and then a baby's first cry rings out in a silent night....
I rejoice in Christmas because it is a reminder of those things. A reminder of hope and how things can change. It's a new beginning. That's what Christmas is for me. I hope it is that for you, too. Whatever you believe, that's what I pray for you.
Thursday, December 27, 2018
Monday, October 1, 2018
NEW RELEASE FROM MRH
MRH PUBLISHES BOOK FLOOZY COMES BACK
OKLAHOMA—Many Rivers Harbor announces the
publication of Floozy Comes Back, a
new collection of humorous articles from author Stephen B. Bagley. The book is on sale now at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, BooksAMillion, Lulu, and other
online retailers.
“Stephen’s
first collection of humorous essays, Floozy
and Other Stories, is one of the top books we’ve published and the readers
wanted more,” said Ms. Pru Simmons, MRH associate editor. “Finally, after too
long a wait, we have a new collection of these hilarious stories.”
Simmons
said most of the essays in Floozy Comes
Back had been published in print and online magazines and newsletters and
in various anthologies. “Stephen wrote several new ones just for this book and also
restored a couple of articles previously published in the first Floozy
collection that had been cut by various editors to fit space and theme
requirements.”
“I enjoy
revisiting these essays,” Bagley said. “They’re like old friends. I’m glad to
get to share them again with the readers.”
The book’s contents include: A Tale of Two Goldfish, Spice Boy, Hamlet or Another Four Hours I Won’t Get Back, The Terrible Truth about Women, Tanning My Hide, Congress & Other Monstrous Things, Work in Your Underwear, Taking Aim at Cupid, Needs Something More, Irish Dancing as Performed by Roofers, Pumpkin Pinterest, The Story of the Second Thanksgiving, Getting Lit at Christmas, Much Ado about Carbs, and many other reader favorites.
The book’s contents include: A Tale of Two Goldfish, Spice Boy, Hamlet or Another Four Hours I Won’t Get Back, The Terrible Truth about Women, Tanning My Hide, Congress & Other Monstrous Things, Work in Your Underwear, Taking Aim at Cupid, Needs Something More, Irish Dancing as Performed by Roofers, Pumpkin Pinterest, The Story of the Second Thanksgiving, Getting Lit at Christmas, Much Ado about Carbs, and many other reader favorites.
Floozy Comes Back retails for $16 in trade paperback.
For more information, visit manyriversharbor.blogspot.com.
Stephen B. Bagley co-wrote Undying, a collection of poetry with poet Gail Henderson. He wrote Murder by Dewey Decimal and Murder
by the Acre, both in the Measurements of Murder™
series. His other books include Tales
from Bethlehem, Floozy and Other Stories, and Endless. He wrote the full-length plays Murder at the Witch’s Cottage and Two
Writers in the Hands of an Angry God and
co-wrote Turnabout. He coauthored two one-act plays (“Hogwild” and “There’s a
Body in The Closet”) that were published by Dramatic Publishing Company. His
poetry, articles, short stories, and essays have appeared in Writer’s Digest, Prosateurs: Tales & Truth, Blackbirds First Flight, Blackbirds Second Flight, Blackbirds Third Flight, By-Line Magazine, Nautilus Magazine, Pontotoc County Chronicles, Tulsa World OKMagazine, Your Country Music Magazine, Free Star, Dark Prairies & Deep Rivers, New Journeys & Destinations, the Creations anthologies
2012-2015, various newspapers in Arkansas and Oklahoma, and other print and
online publications. He graduated from Oklahoma State University, Stillwater, Oklahoma,
with a Bachelor of Science in Journalism. He is a member of Oklahoma Writers
Federation, Inc. and a founding member of the writing group Prosateurs. Visit
his website at StephenBBagley.blogspot.com.
ABOUT
MANY RIVERS HARBOR
Many Rivers Harbors, a micropublishing
company based in Oklahoma, is dedicated to helping authors publish and promote
their books. For more information about MRH publications, visit MRH at manyriversharbor.blogspot.com or email
at manyriversharbor@gmail.com.
Friday, September 28, 2018
Teaser: "Up, Up & Away in My Beautiful Semi-Rigid Airship"
I’ve always loved dirigibles, those huge gas-filled flying machines
that naturally would make us think of Congress if they were filled
with hot air, but no, they’re filled with a helium mixture these
days. I remember seeing the Goodyear blimp float over my town once.
As it made its slow, majestic way across the sky, I felt true wonder in
my soul, like the first time I saw Pamela Anderson in a bikini.
Even now, some people talk wistfully about days of the passenger airships. They were luxury cruisers and fast enough when compared with other modes of transoceanic transportation. The Hindenburg made it across the Atlantic Ocean in about four days, faster than even Michael Phelps could swim it.
Unfortunately, the Hindenburg disaster on May 6, 1937 put an end to the airship era. It shattered the public’s faith in airship transportation, although statistics showed airships were safer than cheating on your spouse.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Even now, some people talk wistfully about days of the passenger airships. They were luxury cruisers and fast enough when compared with other modes of transoceanic transportation. The Hindenburg made it across the Atlantic Ocean in about four days, faster than even Michael Phelps could swim it.
Unfortunately, the Hindenburg disaster on May 6, 1937 put an end to the airship era. It shattered the public’s faith in airship transportation, although statistics showed airships were safer than cheating on your spouse.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Thursday, September 27, 2018
Teaser: "We Like Big Trucks; We Cannot Lie"
Recently a major American automobile company announced it
was going to stop selling almost all its cars and concentrate
on big trucks. The idea being that fossil fuels will last
FOREVER—or at least until our generation is safely dead and then it’s
not our problem.
Not the company’s fault, of course. They’re making what the public wants, and apparently, the public wants vehicles large enough to be seen from orbit.
I myself drive a sensible four-door sedan. I would like a flashy sports car that can go from zero to sixty in a blink, but I am stopped by one) not having enough money to afford one, and two) if I did have one, I would have to butter myself to get inside and it would take the Jaws of Life and the fire department to get me out. I no longer have the body for a low-slung sports car.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Not the company’s fault, of course. They’re making what the public wants, and apparently, the public wants vehicles large enough to be seen from orbit.
I myself drive a sensible four-door sedan. I would like a flashy sports car that can go from zero to sixty in a blink, but I am stopped by one) not having enough money to afford one, and two) if I did have one, I would have to butter myself to get inside and it would take the Jaws of Life and the fire department to get me out. I no longer have the body for a low-slung sports car.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Teaser: "The Truth about Trees"
The first thing you learn is that trees are jerks. Big, mean leafy
jerks. Trust me on this. Joyce Kilmer probably never had to
dig up a sewer line in sweltering weather or pay a plumber
soul-crushing amounts of money to do so because tree roots invaded
the pipes, even though there’s a pond near enough for the tree to spit in
if trees spit and I’m not sure they don’t.
But it’s not plumbing problems that have me riled up about trees this time around. Nor is it their world domination schemes that are aided by the squirrels but opposed by the noble chipmunks. (Oh, Chip and Dale, the terrible price you’ve paid for your selfless bravery!) No, it’s a new complaint: I’m trying to learn how to paint, and trees are hard to do.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
But it’s not plumbing problems that have me riled up about trees this time around. Nor is it their world domination schemes that are aided by the squirrels but opposed by the noble chipmunks. (Oh, Chip and Dale, the terrible price you’ve paid for your selfless bravery!) No, it’s a new complaint: I’m trying to learn how to paint, and trees are hard to do.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Tuesday, September 25, 2018
Teaser: "Inner Peace or Something Vaguely Like That"
"Have you ever tried yoga?” my therapist asked, popping another
handful of pills down his throat and washing them down with
a Red Bull in his shaking hands.
I regarded him doubtfully. He was young and had seemed healthy enough four weeks ago when he replaced my last therapist who had apparently entered a monastery, but he had gone downhill fast. I wonder what was going on in his private life that had caused this change.
“Yoga? You mean that chanting thing where they sacrifice chickens, go into trances, and make zombies?”
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
I regarded him doubtfully. He was young and had seemed healthy enough four weeks ago when he replaced my last therapist who had apparently entered a monastery, but he had gone downhill fast. I wonder what was going on in his private life that had caused this change.
“Yoga? You mean that chanting thing where they sacrifice chickens, go into trances, and make zombies?”
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Monday, September 24, 2018
Teaser: "Congress and Other Monstrous Things"
It seems a lot of people these days are excited about the idea of a
zombie apocalypse; they’re even looking forward to it. Of course,
they're assuming they will be a survivor fighting their way across a
broken America—much like an ordinary voter approaching the polls in
any election—rather than ending up as one of the shambling folk.
I don’t know how such frightening shows such as The Walking Dead, Fear the Walking Dead, The Talking Dead (a talk show about The Walking Dead), and Dancing with Barely Remembered Stars can pull in the viewer numbers that they do. If people really wanted to watch something horrific, they should watch C-SPAN. If what goes on there doesn’t frighten you, you’re most likely already dead or living in Washington, D.C., a fate well known to be worse than death.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
I don’t know how such frightening shows such as The Walking Dead, Fear the Walking Dead, The Talking Dead (a talk show about The Walking Dead), and Dancing with Barely Remembered Stars can pull in the viewer numbers that they do. If people really wanted to watch something horrific, they should watch C-SPAN. If what goes on there doesn’t frighten you, you’re most likely already dead or living in Washington, D.C., a fate well known to be worse than death.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Saturday, September 22, 2018
Teaser: "Much Ado About Carbs"
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Friday, September 21, 2018
Teaser: "Irish Dancing as Performed by Roofers"
As I write this, the roof above me is getting reroofed, and from
the sound of it, the roofers are performing Irish step dances.
Thumps, shouts, crashes, and indistinct shouting (that could be
Gaelic, but I suspect it is not) are all taking place up there and sometimes
on the ground as they fall off.
Yes, they do fall off the roof. I actually got to see one of them do that. He rolled off the carport nearly in front of me. Naturally, his fellow workers sprang into immediate action showing their concern.
One of them called, “Hey, you okay?”
The one on the ground said, “(Expletive), yeah.”
And then everyone laughed uproariously, except me, of course, because I had to rush inside to see if my home insurance would cover a liability claim if someone did get hurt while working on my property. I already knew it didn’t cover other people’s pets who wander into large model rockets.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Yes, they do fall off the roof. I actually got to see one of them do that. He rolled off the carport nearly in front of me. Naturally, his fellow workers sprang into immediate action showing their concern.
One of them called, “Hey, you okay?”
The one on the ground said, “(Expletive), yeah.”
And then everyone laughed uproariously, except me, of course, because I had to rush inside to see if my home insurance would cover a liability claim if someone did get hurt while working on my property. I already knew it didn’t cover other people’s pets who wander into large model rockets.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Thursday, September 20, 2018
Teaser: "I Can Drive 55; I Don't Wanna"
Okay, I can understand running out of blinker fluid. It happens.
Apparently. Let’s not get up on our high horse about that. After
all, when was the last time you had your car’s blinker fluid
level checked?
But this whole I-don’t-see-the-stop-sign-so-it-doesn’t-exist thing, that’s odd. I don’t understand it. Toddlers believe something similar; that’s why peek-a-boo is such a hit with them. You disappear for a moment, and then you miraculously reappear. You’re the most amazing person they’ve met in their short life! Of course, that feeling doesn’t last, and by the time your toddler has grown into a teenager, you’re quite possibly the dumbest parent who has ever walked the earth and only put here to “totally” embarrass her/him. Which you should do at each and every opportunity. It’s your duty.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
But this whole I-don’t-see-the-stop-sign-so-it-doesn’t-exist thing, that’s odd. I don’t understand it. Toddlers believe something similar; that’s why peek-a-boo is such a hit with them. You disappear for a moment, and then you miraculously reappear. You’re the most amazing person they’ve met in their short life! Of course, that feeling doesn’t last, and by the time your toddler has grown into a teenager, you’re quite possibly the dumbest parent who has ever walked the earth and only put here to “totally” embarrass her/him. Which you should do at each and every opportunity. It’s your duty.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Wednesday, September 19, 2018
Teaser: "The Burden of Beauty"
I just had a sudden insight that I’m sure may have escaped your attention.
Well, don’t feel bad. After all, I’m a genius, and you’re
not. But you have a sweet spirit and will probably be spared when
I crush the thrones of this earth under my booted heel. But that’s not a
promise. Stop being so needy.
Anyway, my insight was about The Burden of Beauty. The capitals on The Burden of Beauty should clue you in that this will be our topic. Or really my topic. I’m writing, and you’re reading. It’s good to keep those roles straight. Yes, it’s true that beautiful people get the best jobs, make the most money, get better care in emergency rooms and hospitals, receive more respect from their peers and loved ones, and live longer. These statements are all supported by real statistics, not ones I made up.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Anyway, my insight was about The Burden of Beauty. The capitals on The Burden of Beauty should clue you in that this will be our topic. Or really my topic. I’m writing, and you’re reading. It’s good to keep those roles straight. Yes, it’s true that beautiful people get the best jobs, make the most money, get better care in emergency rooms and hospitals, receive more respect from their peers and loved ones, and live longer. These statements are all supported by real statistics, not ones I made up.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Tuesday, September 18, 2018
Teaser: "Needs Something More"
This morning I got up at five and thought I’d watch the sunrise. As I watched the scarlet fingers of dawn stretch across the majestic vault of the sky, I thought, Hmm, it could do with a bit of dramatic music and maybe a car chase or two. By sharing that, you might think I’m blind to the wonders of nature. Not true. I just feel nature is better behind a TV screen, door, picture window, wall, moat, 20-foot-tall electrified fence with guard posts every 30 feet...because nature frankly never saw a human that it didn’t want to bend, fold, perforate, or eat.
Yes, I know, Disney has made you think that nature is filled with lovable bunnies, cute ducks, and adorable deer. Did you know that deer cost us over 4 billion dollars in property damage and medical bills each year by their habit of jumping in front of moving cars in their imitation of trainspotting? And the number of people shot by bunnies with guns stagger the imagination! Truly, it would. I can’t even discuss the fowl things ducks do.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Yes, I know, Disney has made you think that nature is filled with lovable bunnies, cute ducks, and adorable deer. Did you know that deer cost us over 4 billion dollars in property damage and medical bills each year by their habit of jumping in front of moving cars in their imitation of trainspotting? And the number of people shot by bunnies with guns stagger the imagination! Truly, it would. I can’t even discuss the fowl things ducks do.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Monday, September 17, 2018
Teaser: "That Buzzing Sound You Hear"
It’s time for the sounds and smells of summer: barbecue, people
splashing in pools, coconut suntan lotion, happy laughter, freshlymown
lawns, all is happy, happy, happy as people rejoice in the
sunlight—except for me, of course, since I’ve been hiding in my darkened
house as soon as the flocks of mosquitoes started returning from
whatever nightmarish place they spend the winter.
Yes, I know that supposedly they lay eggs that somehow survive the winter’s cold, and those eggs hatch into larvae, which grow up to suck blood and lay more eggs to survive the winter, but I don’t believe it. Have you ever seen a mosquito nest? Me, neither. What really happens is they follow the sun to torment South Americans. Mosquitoes live many years, and all of them speak fondly of me, their Promised Land of white, soft skin that conceals the most delicious and nourishing liquid.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Yes, I know that supposedly they lay eggs that somehow survive the winter’s cold, and those eggs hatch into larvae, which grow up to suck blood and lay more eggs to survive the winter, but I don’t believe it. Have you ever seen a mosquito nest? Me, neither. What really happens is they follow the sun to torment South Americans. Mosquitoes live many years, and all of them speak fondly of me, their Promised Land of white, soft skin that conceals the most delicious and nourishing liquid.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Saturday, September 15, 2018
Teaser: "Taking Aim at Cupid"
Ordinarily in February, I make a few disparaging remarks about
Valentine’s Day, or “Passover” as I call it in my house, but
never within earshot of any of my Jewish friends as they do
get the joke, but they don’t think it’s funny, and I hate it when they go
all Samson on me.
But this year, I’ve decided to direct our attention to that clothing challenged archer who wings around shooting people with arrows to make them fall in love with people guaranteed to ruin their lives. I don’t understand Cupid.
Oh sure, I get the metaphor that love is like a sharp weapon that pierces your spleen and makes you hemorrhage to death while your lover runs off with your best friend, but beyond the obvious, what’s up with him?
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
But this year, I’ve decided to direct our attention to that clothing challenged archer who wings around shooting people with arrows to make them fall in love with people guaranteed to ruin their lives. I don’t understand Cupid.
Oh sure, I get the metaphor that love is like a sharp weapon that pierces your spleen and makes you hemorrhage to death while your lover runs off with your best friend, but beyond the obvious, what’s up with him?
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Friday, September 14, 2018
Teaser: "A Tale of Two Goldfish"
I bought another fish recently to keep Churchill, my fancy goldfish,
company. It’s a fantail goldfish, and its name is Bo. The other fish
at the store had apparently heard of me. While my back was
turned, I quite clearly heard the phrase “aquarium of death” bubbled
around. I ignored them.
As I checked out, the clerk leaned close to me and asked, “Do they fry up good?” Apparently, she thought I had been buying so many goldfish because I was dipping them in batter and serving them with chips on the side. I didn’t reply, just smiled and shook my head, even though everyone knows you can’t fry goldfish. (You have to bake them in a low-temperature oven—or so I’ve heard.)
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
As I checked out, the clerk leaned close to me and asked, “Do they fry up good?” Apparently, she thought I had been buying so many goldfish because I was dipping them in batter and serving them with chips on the side. I didn’t reply, just smiled and shook my head, even though everyone knows you can’t fry goldfish. (You have to bake them in a low-temperature oven—or so I’ve heard.)
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Thursday, September 13, 2018
Teaser: "What Did You Say?"
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Wednesday, September 12, 2018
Teaser: "My Fitness Goal—and, Yes, I DO Have One"
At the gym—yes, I was at the gym; that shocked expression doesn’t look good on you—I was asked what my fitness goal was. And I answered promptly, “I want to be one of those obnoxious skinny people.” You know the ones I mean: they eat like starving pigs, but they never gain weight. In fact, they are so used to their incredible metabolism burning fat like a Congressman spends money that they are baffled by people who are overweight.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Monday, September 10, 2018
Teaser: "'Hamlet' or Another Four Hours I Won't Get Back"
You all know Hamlet by William Shakespeare is one of the greatest plays ever written. If you didn’t know, now you do, and you can go to bed knowing you learned one thing today.
You may be surprised to also learn I am not a fan of the play. Oh, I recognize the genius of it, and it has one of the most famous and moving soliloquies ever written (To be or not to be...) but frankly it doesn’t have a role for Dolly Parton, and I don’t like plays that preclude the chance of casting her.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
You may be surprised to also learn I am not a fan of the play. Oh, I recognize the genius of it, and it has one of the most famous and moving soliloquies ever written (To be or not to be...) but frankly it doesn’t have a role for Dolly Parton, and I don’t like plays that preclude the chance of casting her.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Saturday, September 8, 2018
Teaser: "Je ne parle pas Français!"
I keep trying to learn French even though it’s obvious I will never master it with enough expertise to not horrify a Frenchman. I once had dinner in a French restaurant in Tulsa and attempted to impress the waiter with my French. With an expression on his face like he had a severe case of constipation, he attempted to repeat my order to me in bad English while I attempted to correct him in bad French. I would have gone hungry except the menu had pictures on it, so I was able to point at items and received excellent food. I’m not sure what it was, but it used a lot of garlic, cream, and butter, and how could you go wrong with that?
I don’t even know why I want to learn French. I have no particular desire to travel to France, although it seems lovely and they did give us the Statue of Liberty, which is much nicer than a gift card but not as easy to carry.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Buy at Amazon
I don’t even know why I want to learn French. I have no particular desire to travel to France, although it seems lovely and they did give us the Statue of Liberty, which is much nicer than a gift card but not as easy to carry.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Buy at Amazon
Friday, September 7, 2018
Teaser: "The Jonesmyth Expedition"
T’was a cold day in late December in fair London town in the meeting room of the Literary Works Explorers Club in the year 20— when Sir Neil “Nellybelly” Shanksview made a most audacious proposal: to mount an expedition of brave men to read the entire ‘Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act’ of the somewhat United Colonies of the Americas.
“By Finnigan’s foot, it’s not possible!” Brigadier Frogsworth “Froggy” Speartoad exclaimed and spilled his whiskey and goat milk.
“Compose yourself, Frog,” the forthright and handsome Lord Thomas “Pigsworth” Jonesmyth said calmly. “With the proper equipment and planning, such an expedition could be done in...let me think...in—”
“Eighty days!” interjected the youthful Martin “Martin” Cowpert.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Buy at Amazon
“By Finnigan’s foot, it’s not possible!” Brigadier Frogsworth “Froggy” Speartoad exclaimed and spilled his whiskey and goat milk.
“Compose yourself, Frog,” the forthright and handsome Lord Thomas “Pigsworth” Jonesmyth said calmly. “With the proper equipment and planning, such an expedition could be done in...let me think...in—”
“Eighty days!” interjected the youthful Martin “Martin” Cowpert.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Buy at Amazon
Thursday, September 6, 2018
Teaser: "To a Fault"
Whenever something terrible happens, you should always ask yourself, “Is Stephen okay?” If so, then it’s not that terrible. At least not for me, and I’m sure we all agree that’s what’s really important. Naturally, I’m concerned about you, too, and will do anything to help you—as long as I’m not greatly inconvenienced or busy or my favorite shows aren’t on TV. I have to have priorities, which I know you understand because I’m such a high priority for you.
To a judgmental person, it might possibly sound like I’m self absorbed, but let’s be honest, if you were as awesome as me—if that were even possible, and frankly, it’s not—you’d be self-absorbed, too. I’m definitely marvelous. People are fascinated by me, particularly doctors who want to study me in a specially controlled environment.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Buy at Amazon
To a judgmental person, it might possibly sound like I’m self absorbed, but let’s be honest, if you were as awesome as me—if that were even possible, and frankly, it’s not—you’d be self-absorbed, too. I’m definitely marvelous. People are fascinated by me, particularly doctors who want to study me in a specially controlled environment.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
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Wednesday, September 5, 2018
"The Fine Art of Sighing"
My old computer died. You would have thought I lost a beloved pet by the way I moped around my house for a couple of weeks. During that time, my answer to any question was a sigh of despair with a hint of brave long-suffering and a touch of woe-is-me. It was one of my finest series of sighs.
Not that I’m the master of sighing. No, that title belongs to my brother. He can create sighs that are the verbal equivalent of the Mona Lisa. For some unaccountable reason, I am the cause of many of his sighs, and I can tell you they are capable of making strong men weep or at least check to see if the tires of their cars are leaking. His sighs convey the overall theme of “my brother is nuts and why am I burdened with him” with layers of such emotions as “life is a mystery of sadness and joy” and “geese fly south in the winter as the year moves toward its end.”
Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Buy at Amazon
Not that I’m the master of sighing. No, that title belongs to my brother. He can create sighs that are the verbal equivalent of the Mona Lisa. For some unaccountable reason, I am the cause of many of his sighs, and I can tell you they are capable of making strong men weep or at least check to see if the tires of their cars are leaking. His sighs convey the overall theme of “my brother is nuts and why am I burdened with him” with layers of such emotions as “life is a mystery of sadness and joy” and “geese fly south in the winter as the year moves toward its end.”
Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Buy at Amazon
Tuesday, September 4, 2018
"Attack of the Flying Tapeworm"
A friend of mine got her first tattoo recently. She had wanted one for years, she told me, and she finally took the plunge. (Plunge being an apt word choice in this instance, as you will see if you keep reading and why wouldn’t you? It’s not like you have much of a social life.)
She wanted something “tasteful but cheerful.” She found an illustration of those charming but theologically unsound cherubs painted by the Renaissance artist Raphael and decided one of those cute winged angels would permanently fly on her left shoulder. She priced various tattoo artists and located one with the lowest prices. His establishment was clean, and he was courteous and professional.
All in all, an unremarkable event, except she probably should have found an artist who charged more.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
She wanted something “tasteful but cheerful.” She found an illustration of those charming but theologically unsound cherubs painted by the Renaissance artist Raphael and decided one of those cute winged angels would permanently fly on her left shoulder. She priced various tattoo artists and located one with the lowest prices. His establishment was clean, and he was courteous and professional.
All in all, an unremarkable event, except she probably should have found an artist who charged more.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Monday, September 3, 2018
"Way Too Hot"
I’ve always enjoyed warm weather. Bright sunshiny days lift my spirits and inspire me to break into happy songs, although I try to not do that at funerals or in court—anymore—because I’ve been told it’s disruptive.
However, we’re experiencing a run of hot weather here in Oklahoma that has daunted even me. Going outside and hearing your sweat sizzle can take the spring out of anyone’s step. And if you’re heavy like me, you soon realize that you have enough fat on you to fry yourself if you’re not careful. You would only need to add sides of mashed potatoes and collard greens to make a meal fit for any southern cannibal king.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
However, we’re experiencing a run of hot weather here in Oklahoma that has daunted even me. Going outside and hearing your sweat sizzle can take the spring out of anyone’s step. And if you’re heavy like me, you soon realize that you have enough fat on you to fry yourself if you’re not careful. You would only need to add sides of mashed potatoes and collard greens to make a meal fit for any southern cannibal king.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Saturday, September 1, 2018
"Catchy Tune, but Can You Cuss to It?"
The other day I heard a song on the radio. It had a catchy beat and noises that vaguely sounded like words. I liked it—right up until I got home and looked up the lyrics. Then I hunted down the singers, washed their dirty mouths out with lye soap, enrolled the boys in military school, and sent the girl singer to a nunnery. Then I shot their record producer and dropped his body in an alligator-filled swamp. Just a regular Saturday for me actually.
I think this means I am officially old and not in tune with modern music. In fact, I’m only a few years away from sitting on my porch and yelling for the neighbor kids to get off my lawn, those young snotfaces with their iPhone this and iPad that. They’re going to be mighty surprised when my iCane impacts their smart-alecky heads. They’ll probably run home crying, “iHurt! iHurt! iHurt!” Whiners. Or more correctly iWhiners.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
I think this means I am officially old and not in tune with modern music. In fact, I’m only a few years away from sitting on my porch and yelling for the neighbor kids to get off my lawn, those young snotfaces with their iPhone this and iPad that. They’re going to be mighty surprised when my iCane impacts their smart-alecky heads. They’ll probably run home crying, “iHurt! iHurt! iHurt!” Whiners. Or more correctly iWhiners.
Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
Tuesday, August 14, 2018
Enjoy!
Enjoy this collection of wild and wacky tales, including:
Spice Boy,
A Tale of Two Goldfish,
Tanning My Hide,
Kindle the Barbarian,
The Fine Art of Sighing,
Pumpkin Pinterest,
Mr. Manners Speaks,
Much Ado About Carbs,
Congress & Other Monstrous Things,
Work in Your Underwear,
The Terrible Truth About Women,
and many more in Floozy Comes Back!
Sunday, July 29, 2018
Floozy takes Barnes&Noble!
For reasons that surpass my understanding, Barnes and Noble launched Floozy Comes Back today! I didn't even know she was back in the States!
Here's the link: Floozy takes Barnes and Noble!
Here's the link: Floozy takes Barnes and Noble!
Thursday, July 19, 2018
Floozy arrives!
My copies of Floozy Comes Back are here! Woohoo! Now, what does that mean for her online debut? I don't know. I'm not sure either is connected, but I have my copies! So that's good!
Sunday, June 10, 2018
"What Are You Reading?"
Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!
Saturday, June 9, 2018
"Country Life"
Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!
Friday, June 8, 2018
"Unexpected"
Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!
Thursday, June 7, 2018
"Random Act of Kindness"
Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!
Wednesday, June 6, 2018
"Autumn Sonnet"
Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!
Tuesday, June 5, 2018
"Naked Scalloped Potatoes"
Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!
Monday, June 4, 2018
"Incident on Orwell Street"
Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!
Sunday, June 3, 2018
"Melting Away"
Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!
Saturday, June 2, 2018
"The Thanksgiving Tree"
Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!
Friday, June 1, 2018
New Anthology Released!
OKLAHOMA—The writing group Prosateurs announces the
publication of the judged anthology Prosateurs:
Tales & Truth. The anthology features short stories, recipes, humor, memoirs,
poetry, devotionals, articles, and other works from the group’s members. It’s
now available from Prosateurs members and online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble,
BooksAMillion, and other retailers.
Author Kathy Akins won Best of the Book with a memoir of her
mother’s battle with dementia. “It was honest, sincere, and well-written,” said
Submissions Judge Gail Henderson. “A reader both sympathizes and learns from
it.”
Henderson co-wrote the poetry collection Undying. She collaborated with noted
Oklahoma photographer Michael Duncan to produce Bare, a book of poetry and photography that explores the enigma of
womanhood in the world. She wrote Red
Bird Woman, a collection of her poetry under the name Gail Wood. Her work
has appeared in Blackbirds First Flight,
Blackbirds Second Flight, Blackbirds Third Flight, Creations 2012-2014 and ByLine Magazine. She holds a Masters of
Education in English and Social Studies from East Central University. Currently
she serves on the Board of Directors for Lake Superior Writers, Duluth,
Minnesota.
For more information, visit Prosateurs.blogspot.com.
Purchase on Amazon here!Purchase on Barnes & Noble here!
Purchase on BooksAMillion here!
Purchase on Lulu here!
The anthology authors include:
Kathy Akins has won several awards with her poetry,
devotionals, and short fiction. Her works were published in Blackbirds Third Flight and the Creations
anthologies 2014-2015. A love for history, family, and animals inspires her
stories. She lives in Oklahoma and shares her home with miniature long-haired
dachshunds and a rescued Catahoula. Her dachshunds assist her when she presents
educational programs for children in her capacity as an American Kennel Club
(AKC) Canine Ambassador. She is a member of Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc.,
Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators, and American Christian
Fiction Writers. Visit kathyakins.blogspot.com.
Debbie Anderson wrote the novel Friend or Foe in 2018. A longtime storyteller, she has written
stories since she was a child. The oldest of eight children she used these
stories to entertain her siblings. She spent eighteen years in the travel
industry. As a result she has been to nearly every state and six countries. She
left the travel business after 9/11. Since then she has written business
documents such as manuals and procedures for the electronic and oil industries.
She writes short stories, memoirs, novels, children’s stories, and how-to
books. She has been published in Creations
2017.
Stephen B. Bagley co-wrote the poetry collection Undying. He wrote Murder by Dewey Decimal, Murder by the Acre, Tales from Bethlehem, Floozy
and Other Stories, and EndlesS.
He wrote the plays Murder at the Witch’s
Cottage and Two Writers in the Hands
of an Angry God and co-wrote Turnabout,
Hogwild, and There’s A Body in the Closet. His writings have appeared in Writer’s Digest, Blackbirds First Flight,
Blackbirds Second Flight, Blackbirds Third Flight, ByLine Magazine, Nautilus
Magazine, Tulsa World OKMagazine, and other publications. He graduated from
Oklahoma State University. He is a member of Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc.
Visit StephenBBagley.blogspot.com.
Kelley Benson is a pastor who has a passion for using
everyday opportunities to help people recognize how God works in their lives.
He and his wife Jade are raising their
children to see how God should be part of everything people do. Since
1997, he has participated in a wide range of ministries and been involved with
the investment industry, the insurance industry, teaching, and carpentry. He
published On Target, a book of
devotionals, and writes a weekly newsletter. His articles were published in
Creations 2013-2015. He is a member of Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc. Visit kelleybenson.blogspot.com.
Nita Beshear began writing as a young child. If her family
wasn't moving from one state to another, they were moving across town. Stories
gave her continuity. Her friends in her stories went with her to every new home.
Beshear writes nonfiction, historical novels, and short stories. Her books
include Devoted to Quilting and Beyond the Grief: A Widow's Survival Guide.
Her fiction appeared in Romance-The Spice
of Life. She is a member of the Material Girls (the Allen Oklahoma
Quilters), McAlester McSherry Writers, Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc., and Duncan
and Okmulgee Toastmasters. Visit nitabeshear.wordpress.com.
Wendy Blanton published the novels, The Dragon’s Lady, Rogue Pawn, and Sword and Scabbard, under the name Elizabeth Joy. Her short stories
appeared in Blackbirds First Flight,
Blackbirds Second Flight, and Blackbirds
Third Flight. She writes novels and short stories in several genres. She graduated
from the University of Mount Olive, North Carolina, and served in the United
States Air Force. An apprentice bard, she tells Celtic folk tales at Scottish
Highland Games and other venues. She and her husband are members of the Clan
Campbell Society. She is a member of Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc. Visit wendyblanton.wordpress.com.
D. E. Chandler wrote the thriller Bone Sliver. In 2013, her poem, “Oppenheimer” and her short story
“One Way Window” won honorable mention and publication in Outside the Lines. In
2015, her poem “Carroll After Dark” won first place and publication in the
Tulsa Review’s 2015 Spring contest issue. Her works were also published in Blackbirds Third Flight, The Green Country
Guardian, The Sapulpa Herald, and Sapulpa
News and Views. She graduated from Rogers State University. She lives with
her husband Tom in Oklahoma. She is a member of Oklahoma Writers Federation,
Inc. and Oklahoma Women Bloggers. Visit dechandlerwrites.com.
Barbara Shepherd has received more than 300 writing awards.
She is the Oklahoma 2017 Voice of the Fair Poet, a Lone Stars Poet, a Woody
Guthrie Poet, and a former Nominee for Poet Laureate of the State of Oklahoma.
Shepherd served as a field editor for Taste of Home and contributed to other
magazines, including: Outlook, Oklahoma
D.O., Oklahoma Woman, Edmond Life and Leisure, Bella, and ArtBeat. Her books include: The Potbelly Pig Promise, River Bend,
Vittles and Vignettes, and Patchwork
Skin. Her writing appeared in: Women’s
War Memoirs, Heavenly Patchwork, Voices In Time, and numerous other publications.
Visit barbarashepherd.com.
Joanne Verbridge was born in Oakland, California, spending
her early life experiences in Northern California. Family brought her to Oklahoma
where she enjoys writing memoirs and crafting. She works to inspire her young
nieces to take an interest in story telling and writing. Her memoirs, short
stories, and articles have been published in Oklahoma newspapers and in the Creations
anthologies 2012-2015.