Stress, worry, and the blues

I am doing better today. I think it's because yesterday, in the midst of feeling like a mess, I made time for ME. I've also tried to do some thinking on various things, starting with why and how I lost the spark I had a year ago.

May of last year:

• I was at my lowest weight since high school, maybe even *during* high school. 
• I was walking and exercising daily (sometimes several times a day) in training for a 5k.
• I was writing daily.
• I was (generally) upbeat and focused.
• I had a Career Plan
• My house was tidy. Well, as tidy as a house can be with a 18 mo old. ;)
• Meals were planned, food was stocked, and our greatest grocery expense was fresh stuff.
• Bill and I were going on regular 'dates'.
• So forth, and so on.

But, at the end of May and early June of last year:

• The Millionaire Maker Agent and I parted ways, sending me back to querying after spending 9 months waiting on him and his circular changes to SPORE
• Money became tight
• Perimenopause really kicked in, hormonally speaking
• My sewing machine started acting up
• Laura found stable employment
• I got depressed, stressed, and worried, writing dried up, weight started to climb, etc.

As I pondered the how and why and whatnot of the events, I realized a couple of things. First and foremost, I lost Tammy Time, mostly due to being the main parent on deck with LittleMiss. I'm not blaming her - or Laura - for this, just noting that I wasn't aware of the change when it happened.

The other issue was the kicked-in-the-gut sensation from having to start back at the beginning again in trying to sell SPORE. I'd, mostly, had forward movement before with my writing, slow perhaps, or a few steps to a side, but diligent, methodical progress when I worked it. What these two life events did (or rather my reaction to them, to be honest) was to withdraw, as I always do being an avoidant kind of gal. I cut back on exercising, let my sewing machine (my normal mode of personal 'therapy') sit idle and broken, I became a casual tracker and exerciser, and pretty much stopped writing completely, except for query letters which, let's face it, are customized form letters. In short, I stopped making time for ME, stopped making ME any sort of priority and consistently put ME last. Everyone and everything else in my life was more important. I was at the bottom of the stack and didn't matter, not even to myself.

Last week I had a very, very bad reaction to a medication, or perhaps it was a severe hormonal flux. Whatever it was, it was terrifying and awful. Scared me. Scared me bad. In part, because I had ZERO CONTROL over what I was doing/thinking/feeling, no matter how I tried to lock it down, but also because while everyone I reached for wanted to help me, no one really listened to me. After the mess faded away, I realized that's because I wasn't really speaking for myself anymore. I was doing all those things I was supposed to do, acting and speaking and sometimes thinking how I was supposed to act and speak and think because I believed it was expected of me. I believed it was what everyone else wanted, that my truth didn't matter. Ultimately, tho, it wasn't anyone else's fault or decision or insistence, it was mine and mine alone. I am surrounded by a lot of really supportive people and I did all of this to myself. Because, somehow, I convinced myself that I didn't matter.

I had a bit of a rant yesterday as I worked through some of these realizations. I still feel really bombarded, but I do know it's - mostly - myself, not all the outside crap I want to blame it on.

Yesterday, after Laura got home from work, I told her straight up I'm off duty. I have my own stuff I need to do now. And I did it. Sure, it was mostly housework, but I also worked on book notes and just sat and had a quiet glass of Crystal Lite. After Bill got home, I told him I was gonna screw off online then write after everyone else went to bed. I haven't really done that in a long, long time. And I did. I roughly outlined the plot-point placement of major events for STAIN OF CORRUPTION and decided how best to make it all work. Took me until about 1 am, but it's done, and I'm thankful.

Today I've decided I don't want to mess with potty training. LittleMiss goes to her dad's tomorrow, I'd rather just enjoy her and let her play today. So we've done that. I've made a few more book notes, read a ton of stuff on assorted subjects online, offered FB friendship to quite a few fans, and I've had music playing all day.

It's been great. Tomorrow, I sew and write. That's it.

Tomorrow is Tammy Day. And it's about time. {{hugs}}

Yard Ho

There must be a hip hop song title like that somewhere, right?  If not, there will be someday.  This is me in the summer time.  If I were just in San Antonio, the yard work never ends.  Add in Central Texas, and the work is trebled.  Good thing I generally enjoy yard work.  And now that I have the battery-powered string trimmer, I don't even hate trimming like I used to (there's something about dragging 120 feet of extension cord that gets old really fast).

Have I ever mentioned that I usually feel as if I married the Jack Nicholson character in the movie, As Good As It Gets?  No?  Well, I do. If you're familiar with the movie, they did a great job of helping the audience see how that character had a lovable side (because Mr. L definitely has that), but, well, I hope you get what I mean about how frustrating all the other stuff could be.

The appraisal district has our refined paperwork,  and it seems as if it may be accepted.  I haven't gotten a call back from the Parks and Wildlife guy I left a voice mail for.  Maybe he's on vacation or away at a class?  I'll try again next week.  If we're going to do this, I want a professional's opinion on what things would be advisable to do and what things we shouldn't worry about.

Mr. L got putty work done on the wall mid-section this week.  He could do that around the rain.  I got the yard mowed and trimmed.  I spread the second spreading of Preen.  This is supposed to kill off the sticker burs, so we'll see in about six weeks how effective those efforts have been.  The St. Augustine we transplanted into the side yard over the last two years is spreading like crazy, so we're very pleased with that.  Mr. L brought a bucket full up from SA about a month ago and gave it to our Post Office handy man to fill in some bare spots, and it's doing well there, too. (I've mentioned before what an awesome job that man is doing for our local post office.)

I've read Lesson 18 for How To Revise Your Novel.  I'll start working on it next week in San Antonio (line edits for PBOTL).  I'm working on the Series Matrix for How To Write A Series, and this process is amazing, and tough to get my head around.  It's coming slowly. I also hope to make more progress on it next week.

I installed a Joomla! 3.2.4 test site at FM in preparation for what will be an eventual upgrade of the site to that version.  I think it will eventually work just fine for us.

The Week Ahead:

• A lot of chopping is on my plate in San Antonio.  I'll be working to excise trash trees from the back corner of the yard.  The trees are pretty young, but I need to hack them off below the ground.  Normally, this isn't too tough, but that corner of the yard has flat stones from the fifties comprising a patio of sorts around an old brick BBQ grill.
• I'll do a little watering, but I may not have as much to do with the rain we've been getting.  
• I'll probably have to mow the front yard.  I'm certain to have to mow the back yard.
• Work on PBOTL and Kitty City series prep work.
• Make sure everything is ready before I leave so Mr. L has minimal to be concerned with regarding cats and laundry.
• Pay bills.

Things we learn

Things We Learn

People we love will hurt us the most
but we will love them anyway
People we want to love us won’t
but they will love other people
Children break our hearts repeatedly
but we continue to have them
God doesn’t answer our prayers
but we won’t listen when He says no
Life carries sorrow and strife
but we hold onto hope for better
We learn things we don’t want
but we call this knowledge wisdom

Each night we fall in restless sleep
And we get up each day and go on
Flowers bloom, trees grow green,
and leaves fall before the snow
Love is always truly unexpected
and it brings its blessed problems
Children choose their surprising paths
and their journeys head toward light
We love who our heart loves
and love cannot be wasted in this life
We hold tight the things we cherish
and our lives are finally fulfilled


Copyright 2014 by Stephen B. Bagley. 
All rights reserved. Thanks for reading.

Struggling

Struggling.

Struggling.

Struggling.

Sigh.

{{hugs}}

One Foot After the Other

I want to be a responsible citizen, but I think I'd be a lot better off if I didn't try to stay informed on the issues.  It's far too depressing. 

Here's how the week went:

•  I made it to San Antonio on Monday afternoon, and the yard looked green.  The rain we got during the week when I wasn't there sure helped.  
• I got my prescribed watering completed (soaker hoses, sprinkler on Wednesday, and hand watering as needed).
• I got the truck serviced (including the expensive "flushings" -- it had to be done, and I figured it would be best at the beginning of summer when the heat is hardest on the vehicular system), 
• I found the new Taylor Anderson book for Mr. L smack dab in front of me when I went into Barnes and Noble. I had to sift through about five books until I found one without an RFID sticker in the middle of a page.  The checkout clerk assured me they come right off, but I'm leery of that. Ours was under the 20% sticker on the dust jacket -- what was so hard about that?
• I printed and sifted through the 300 pages of wildlife management guidance and put together a draft plan I think we can do.
• I finished Lesson 17 of How To Revise Your Novel (and the big revision work for PBOTL).   I can't help feeling I made certain aspects of the book worse.  I hope the next seven lessons will help me find those areas and do repairs.
• I had picked up some dewormer medicine I could mix with Moose's Fancy Feast.  I prepared it for him yesterday.  He ate about half and walked away.  I preserved it in a Zip Lock for him and tried serving it to him today, and he looked at me like I was out of my mind.  Eventually, he sniffed it, but he walked away.  So much for that idea.  Sneaky won't eat it either.
• While I was in San Antonio, Mr. L was scraping the vertical divider boards between the first and second floor of the living room wall.  On Saturday afternoon, we sanded and primered it just before a brief rain shower hit.  We were just finishing clean up with the first drips fell. Good timing there.
•  
  
• Mr. L cleared some space at the store and lined the trailer with the convertible up to the middle door and called me. I met him there, and we rolled the convertible off the trailer into the bay.  The convertible is now safely sitting in it's temporary shelter next to the Spitfire and the '46 Mercury 4-door.
•  
  

For the Week Ahead:

• Go to the Appraisal Office on Tuesday and present the Wildlife Management Plan -- assuming they will waive the requirement to notify them we're going under that by May 1 (I hope they will, they seemed to be hinting we needed to move in this direction)
• Finish reading Lesson 18 of How To Revise Your Novel and plan the work
• Do any necessary Central Texas yard work this week.
• Once the appraisal matter is resolved, begin catching up on How To Write A Series Expansion work.
• Get ready to return to San Antonio.  I'm getting good writing work done down there, so that's the bright spot in this summer's maintenance plan.  And Mr. L can get things done up here.  So far, it's a win-win.

Sundays suck

Sorry, but they do. LittleMiss knows her dad's coming to pick her up soon and she's moping around and whining a little. It breaks our hearts to see her like this, and it's even worse when she cries as he takes her away. I really, really despise Sundays.

I've spent this past week and a half fighting a cold on top of my sinus infection and standard seasonal allergies. I'm pretty much a congested mess in that regard and it's making me constantly tired, probably from decreased oxygen. Spent plenty of time with LittleMiss, tho, which was great. :)

Saw both Godzilla and XMen this past week and I liked both. Bill, not as much. Not sure if we'll get either DVD (Laura will almost certainly get XMen) but Godzilla was exactly the stomp-and-destruction fest I wanted and I was pleasantly surprised that XMen managed to cram the whole Days of Future Past comic series (admittedly altered and condensed) into a coherent 2 hour film. I was genuinely worried it would have been a tangled mess, but it worked out reasonably well. Just wish there was more... gravitas? Emotional connection? It was fun, but not satisfying, if that makes sense, like having a cookie instead of supper. I left Godzilla happier. Rawr!

I'm back to working on Dubric this week since the other two books are stalled, in part because I'm having trouble concentrating. I'm blaming hormones and sinuses for this, but mostly hormones. I had an incredibly awful day last Thursday (a week and a half ago) which may have been a reaction to a medication, might have been a massive hormonal flux. I stopped the med (my doc will surely chew my butt about that when I see her in a week) but the symptoms haven't returned. I've actually taken myself off of everything other than cold pills because I need to breathe. I wasn't taking any Rx other than the antibiotic (which I've finished), just an assortment of vitamins, but now it's just a cold pill. Amazingly enough, I'm not having knee issues (Glucosamine) or mood issues (Vit D3) or anything.

Still clogged, tho. ;)

I've come to an understanding about my personal path, mostly because it's smacked me upside the head a couple of times now. Whenever I make a decision with dollar signs in my eyes (that one agent, and agreeing to market SPORE to a "publisher" whose ethics make my skin crawl) it bites me in the butt. It's consistently a mistake, personally, professionally, and psychologically. So no more of that crap for me!

This weekend I plan on sewing, writing, and decluttering. That's it. I'd better get to it.

Have a great Memorial Day Weekend, everyone, and go hug your favorite Veteran! {{hugs}}

I never know quite what to put in this box.

Mixed bag this week, but aren't they all?

Good Stuff:
- I made Eric go outside for adventures today. We hopped on a bus, and then a train, had lunch downtown at Eataly and wandered around looking at yummy things we didn't buy. Then, because I hadn't been yet, we walked a couple blocks to the Miracle Mile and wandered into a mall. As if that weren't enough, we realized we were only four blocks from Navy Pier, so we walked down there. We did four miles today. I'm tired. And I didn't find anything to buy, for which Eric is grateful!
- Before we did all that, I was virtuous and did 45 minutes on the treadmill at the gym. Yup. Tired.
- We saw Chad again on Tuesday. Went to dinner, and then we went to see Godzilla. It was better than I gave it credit for. I won't buy it on DVD, probably, but it was pretty good.
- My allergies improved. I don't need hot showers and the neti pot to get through the day now. I'm not sure what stopped pollinating, but I hope it's done for good.
- Added some Blues Traveler and Weird Al to my exercise play list. Oddly, I think I need more Weird Al. He makes the time go faster.
- Finished the first read-through on Weeping Willow and have finished the stuff that's easy to fix. I need to add a subplot because it's very short--55kish words. That won't sell to anyone except maybe Love Inspired. Hmm. Wonder if they take unagented inquiries?
- Vicky graduates next weekend. The parents will be in town for it, but we're all staying in a hotel so Vicky doesn't have to figure out where to put us. It's Friday at 6:30, so I'm packing a picnic basket to prevent hangries.
- Eric's interviews went well. I was wrong about them being permanent. They're contract to hire. :-P One of them is downtown, and the other is in a 'burb (meaning his commute time would just about triple). His headhunter is urging him to hold out for the downtown one. Either job is preferable to what he has now. This decision will be made next week, I'm sure, and the vacation time will reset to 0. Again.

Not So Good Stuff:
- I have a bad case of hormonal bloating. 'Nuff said. I'm tired of feeling fat. It can go away now.
- I need to find some places to walk to besides Starbucks. They're contributing to the fat, and it's getting expensive. Ideally, it will be a place without food, period. I think there's a park within a mile, and I could check to see if we can use the track at the high school down the street while the kids are out of school.
- I'm trying to decide if I'm going to a writers conference this year, and if so, which one. The one I usually do in September is back in St Louis this year, so it would be convenient. I'm not sure I want to spend the money this year, though. Maybe it would be better to stay home and write. There's a lot to be said for networking, though, and that conference won't be back in StL for at least five years. They will, however, be in Dallas the following year, and in Grapevine two years after that, so Jean, if you're interested in Christian fiction, I recommend it.
- Got stuck in holiday traffic. You probably saw that on Facebook.

So that's about it. This week is working on Weeping Willow, getting as much exercise as I can, avoiding sugar, and going downstate for the weekend. Y'all have a good one!

A little night music

Another one of my music nights. Just listening to unfamiliar music on my computer. Unfamiliar because I haven't played the songs in months. I have thousands of songs on my hard drive, so naturally some aren't played much.

Mostly sweet, melancholy music. Violins and acoustic guitars. Quiet songs to fill up the empty places in my soul. Fill them up so nothing else can reside there.

Dan Fogelberg, Indigo Girls, Alexi Murdoch, Ed Sheeran, Rob Thomas... Talented singers with great gifts.

Do you have music nights? Or do you like your nights so still that the stars finally speak to fill the silence? Do you walk the fields at night and gaze up at the sky where the moon hangs like a ripe peach? Or do you gratefully close your eyes and fall into sleep until the sun dawns?

Whatever helps you to be filled with peace, that's what you should do. That's what I'm trying to do as I listen to a little night music.

Dazed and confused

It was a busy weekend. Wow.

Good Stuff:
- I got paid for working Saturday. Crowds were light. It seemed like many of the people there were participating in the Games rather than visitors. They've never had storytelling at this particular festival, so people didn't know quite what to do with me, which was a bit strange. They've penciled me in for next year, and hopefully in a few years they won't be able to think about the Games without storytelling!
- Our friend Chad is in town for a class. We had dinner with him last night, and he may be coming back over tomorrow evening. So good to see him. He was a little surprised at how different the apartment looks without the boxes!
- Eric has two job interviews this week for permanent positions. Fingers crossed. It would be great to get out of contract work.
- We're officially Presbyterian again.

Not So Good Stuff:
- My sinuses have been a mess. Even with allergy meds, hot showers and the neti pot I still have to take pain meds some days. At least I can breathe. There's a lot to be said for that.
- It appears that every storytelling gig will be followed by a couple days of recovery. It's great fun, but exhausting. Need to check with Jeff to see if he's found that to be true, or if part of this is allergy side effects.

I'm sure there's more, but that's all my muddled brain will come up with right now. I have this week to get my act together before I have to gear up to go downstate again. Vicky's graduation is a week from Friday, and my parents and aunt are coming. Luckily, they've already asked about hotels so we won't have to figure out where to wedge everyone in with Vicky and her roommates!

Y'all have a good week.

Out of Range

Not too bad a week.  One snag, which I hope will resolve to our satisfaction before the end of the month.

We got our income tax refund back this week.  Followed by a letter from the IRS informing us of a mistake in our taxes.  Apparently, even though my income didn't meet the requirements for filing Schedule D, doing so would have saved us money, so the IRS figured it for us and made appropriate adjustments.  While I never like goofing on taxes, I'm a little happier when the goof is in my favor and the IRS catches it and makes it right.

We went to the appraisal office this week, and even though they've accepted our agricultural use of the land since we bought since 2002, they no longer are doing so.  The answer we get when we asked what changed is, "I don't know.  We've been doing it this way since I've been here, and I wasn't here in 2002."  Not a very helpful answer.  From their responses, I've gathered our haying operation is fine, but it's only 25% of our land, and we need acceptable agricultural use for more than 50%.  The other 75% of the land is woods.  They don't accept growing trees anymore, I guess (That's a different category, and we could file a "conversion to timberland," but that isn't really what we want to do). We seem to have a couple of options, but the one they were pushing is wildlife management area.  We do some of the things for this already, but we hadn't wanted to do the paperwork or the other requirements to meet the standards.  I'm reviewing the guidelines now to see how we can do so without excessive expense or time.   I hope when I get back to town after this week in SA to have an acceptable usage documented for them. If they don't accept that, we'll have to file a protest.

In other news, I got the store grass mowed, a little more work done on PBOTL, I got close enough to Moose (formerly known as Mooch) to briefly touch his head, and we've identified Floyd as our cat doing inappropriate urinating.  Sneaky got a clean bill of health at her annual exam, and Dr. Val believes Floyd may have a chronic cystitis problem.  I pick up a medication she hopes will help with that on Monday on my way to San Antonio.  We'll continue treating with Amoxicillin for three weeks to make sure it's had a full chance to be effective.

I ordered Stephen's anthology.  I forgot to pick up the coats from the cleaners.  I did pretty well eating mindfully.  Weight is creeping down.  Still have a little over 2 pounds to go to achieve my current goal.  Ice cream for dessert raises my fasting blood glucose to over 110 the following morning.  I'm going to have to rethink having ice cream, and I certainly won't have it the night before a blood test!

The Week Ahead:

• Spend the week in San Antonio
• Watering
• Working on the wildlife management plan
• Trimming hedges
• Picking up items for Mr. L at Harbor Freight
• Work on Polar Bear on the Loose -- four more scenes to finish this lesson, then I can work on the next one, which, I believe, is line edits.
• Continue work on How To Write A Series - Expansion course
• Try to get Lady and Natasha some back yard time while we're in SA.

Hi ho, hi ho! It's off to Des Moines we go!

Meeting with my doc tomorrow to discuss whether surgery (and what kind) is the right choice for the mutiny.

My weight is really UP, but I'm not gonna worry about that right now.

I could really go for a bacon cheeseburger and some ice cream right now.

Not writing.

Got a bad rejection that really upset me. Rejections have never upset me before.

Still foggy.

Everything else seems fine.

{{hugs}} and have a great week.

What's been going on and then some

I am working on becoming a vegetarian. Health reasons. It's good for our hearts and good for diabetes. Now, I'm not a fanatic on it. I'm slowly easing into it. And I'm still allowing cheese, low-fat milk, and eggs. The cheese is, of course, low fat. And the eggs are egg whites. And I'm not beating myself up when I slip. I've spent years eating meat. It will take time to stop. I'm also tapering off bread in general. And all types of sweets.

Things I have learned so far:
- I hadn't eaten a hamburger for a couple of months now. Ate one last week. The meat tasted so greasy. Sorry, Sonic, I think you're losing me.
- Spinach enchiladas and quesadillas are excellent. As are green chile enchiladas.
- Egg white omelets are just as good as regular omelets. Pepper, mushroom, spinach, tomato, and cheese omelets are excellent.
- So-called chef salads aren't that good.
- Restaurant bean burritos aren't good, either. At least not as good as what I make at home.
- Some people are offended or annoyed if they learn you're attempting to become a vegetarian. Now I don't mention it unless I feel "safe" in doing so.
- This is the idea time to become one. All those lovely and delicious veggies at WalMart and the local farmers market. Although I sure wish the farmers market here had more variety: tomatoes, potatoes, onions dominate with a scattering of local honey and melons. Of course, it's not a large farmers market, and I'm sure they stick with what sells for sure.

The most important thing that I'm trying to learn, incorporate, live is to make food less important in my life. Eating to live and not living to eat, to share the old cliche. Well, enough about that for now.

Writers group meeting was Saturday. Good attendance. We gained our 21st member. We're large enough now that we can have a few members missing and still have a good crowd with guests and so on. Eventually we will grow out of our current room in the library. They have larger rooms, so that won't be a problem, but I'm hoping someone else will be president then. I'm reaching my limits of what I feel comfortable with or really feel comfortable in front of.

It's raining here. We needed the rain. I hope Jean gets some. Texas is slowly becoming a desert.

My herbs on the back porch are doing well as are my strawberries and my one cherry tomato plant. I'm hoping my potatoes come up soon. I have more plants this year than I've ever had. I really felt a need this reason to surround myself with green growing things. Embracing life, I guess.

Read a great historical novel this weekend. Hild by Nicola Griffith. It's the early life of Saint Hilda of Whitby. Beautiful writing and a clear grasp of characters and plot. I'm hoping there will be a sequel.

Last week I also read The Lost Fleet: Beyond the Frontier: Steadfast by Jack Campbell, the latest in his military science fiction series. MSF is a huge sub-genre within science fiction now.

Internet is being weird here. The storm is messing with my provider. So I'd better close.

This week:
- Write on MBTM. Highest priority.
- Chores.
- Exercise.
- Water plants daily!
- Post on varioius blogs.
- Schedule book signings for group.
- Live, laugh, love.

Have a great week.

I did it again!

That's twice in a row I've gotten distracted from this blog.

Good Stuff:
- I got some stuff for the tiny balcony off our kitchen. Turns out it's just big enough for a small bistro table and two chairs, plus 5 14"flower pots. I got a few flowers to spruce it up and need a few more to fill up the last pot. Turns out, it makes a nice work space, and since it faces north, it should be shaded all summer.
- Watched a webinar with Susan May Warren and James Scott Bell about Bell's new book, "Write Your Book From The Middle." I bought the book, and it's a quick read. Totally worth the three bucks I spent to get it on Kindle. I've already applied the principles to Weeping Willow, and I think it's going to make a big difference.
- The cold has left our house.
- I found a group of writers that meets once a month at the library. They alternate between having free writing with prompts and speakers. The meeting this week was a writing one, and I'm happy with what I got. I'll be posting it on my blog Monday morning. I was just happy people showed up!
- We're all set to transfer our church membership. I have no idea how I would have gotten through the last few months without the people I've met there.

Not So Good Stuff:
- We met with our new trainer Saturday morning. (The old one quit when the gym wanted her to work more hours, but she already had three other jobs and no extra hours.) My BMI and weight are higher than I realized. It's not affecting my health yet, but it will if I continue my current ways. Eric is in the same boat, except his weight was lower than he thought it would be.
- My second (and final, for now) paid gig is next Saturday. My only concern is my voice because of my allergies. I sang tenor in church yesterday! I'm looking forward to it, though, and it's only a total of three sets, so it should be fine. If my voice gives out after, it doesn't matter.

This Week:
- Write.
- Pack.
- Clean the living room and kitchen. Try to get the bedroom closet better organized.
- Practice the stories I didn't tell at Tartan Day.

Living and Living Well

I have much to be thankful for.  I live well, and I'm grateful for that.  I find it too easy to get bogged down in petty things that aren't all that important.  I have a husband who does love me (even with odd ways of showing it), and I have a pretty decent family.  Like too many people, I tend to focus too easily on first world problems.

We arrived in San Antonio Monday afternoon after dropping the boys at the clinic to narrow down who had the urinary tract infection (turns out they all do!) to a brown, crunchy lawn.  I laid out the soaker hoses on the west side nearest the street (the part of the lawn that gets burned the most by the sun) in preparation for being able to turn them on at 7 pm.  By soaking Monday night, Tuesday and Thursday morning and evening, and Friday morning, and running the sprinkler morning and evening on Wednesday, we had some green back in the yard before I headed back to Central Texas on Friday.  I'll go back on the 19th to do it all over again.

We got early voting done for the city election.  I plan to do early voting for the primary runoff election when I go back.  Mr. L will decide if he will go sometime before then.  He could also decide to go the week after and vote on the actual day.

For one day, I reached my current weight loss goal (but the weight bounced back up a little).  It will take a little to stabilize at the lower weight, but that was exciting to be 90% of the woman I was at the beginning of the year -- even for a day.

I got about three hours of writing work done, including a scene for PBOTL.

Mooch is stopping and waiting for me to get his Fancy Feast ready now.  I can put the bowl down and push it to the edge of my reach and he will walk to the bowl and eat while I wait nearby and talk to him.  This afternoon, he wound up pushing the bowl as he ate, and he pushed it to within easy hand's reach of me (I decided not to try to touch him yet).

The Week Ahead:

• Prepare to discuss with the appraisal district why the same things that have been adequate for agricultural use for the ranch no longer are adequate for them this year.
• Take Sneaky in for her annual shots, see if there's a more specific treatment for the boys after find out what the lab says about their cultures, and see if there's an oral flea/tick/parasite treatment I can give Mooch in his Fancy Feast to help his overall health until I can catch him and bring him in.
• Pick up winter coats from cleaners (I dropped them off a couple weeks ago and forgot about them!).
• Usual decluttering efforts need to be redoubled.
• Keep focus on eating mindfully.  I sense I'm slipping a little by being inattentive.  I've been expecting this, and I want to stay on course.
• Oh, yes.  I need to get Stephen's writer group anthology.  I saw he released it this week, but I was out of range.

Where's the Lighthouse when you need it?

Things are all right. I guess. I am really, really FOGGY. My brain, my muscles, my motivation... most everything.

I was home all by myself yesterday and I had planned on sewing and/or writing (assuming I could get the sewing machine to work - ha ha) but I could not, for the life of me, figure out what to do or how to go about doing it. I just can't THINK.

Bill thought it was because I (normally) have a gazillion things firing in my brain at once - it's why I am so prone to distraction - SQUIRREL!! - but, no, this is more like I have some chicken, and I have asparagus, but what should I do with them....

Um.

Um....

Why am I in the kitchen? Am I thirsty.... no....

Um... I was doing something. Surely. Maybe I need to pee? (Go to the basement) No...

(stand in basement, looking around) Um... (notice Gozer staring down at me)

Oh! The dog wants out! I can do that....

(back up stairs, let him out, then into the kitchen, staring around blankly) Um....

(Cat comes to me chirping for attention)

Hi MeowMeow! (I'm relieved because I can DO THIS) Yes I'll pet you. Yes, you're a good kitty. (pet her for a while, still trying to think because there was something I was doing but I have zero idea what it was, then notice the dog going apeshit in the back yard after he's been barking who-knows-how-long that I heard but didn't really register as something to deal with at first because I was concentrating on Petting The Cat)

Why is the dog barking? Dammit, Gozer, (as I call him and make him come in) how did you get outside?

Three hours later notice chicken sitting warm and defrosted in microwave and asparagus limp on the counter.

That's my life lately.

I think I have brain damage.

Otherwise things are things. Nothing of real interest to report.

(Fwiw, I think I did have something else to say, but I have no idea what it was)

Have a good week.

Butterfly!

I had this about ready to post yesterday, and then I got lured away with the promise of Thai food. Decent week, overall, but yesterday was definitely better than today. All the trees started pollinating at the same time, and I've been tired and congested most of the weekend. Not great for productivity. It appears I am allergic to Chicago after all.

Good Stuff:
- I dressed up, went forth, and did a group pre-interview with AFLAC. They've found it's helpful in the interview process if applicants understand how they do business because it's different than how other companies do things. If I was looking for a career, I'd jump at it, but it's full time and part of the responsibilities include cold calling and a few other things I've already done and don't care to do again. I'm blessed to be in the position to say thanks but no thanks. For the record, I found the place with no problem, found a parking spot in the next block, and my van didn't get towed. :-)
- Got some words in. I may need some help wrangling this story sometime in the near future.
- My counselor officially released me from therapy and told me to give her a call to get coffee sometime.
- Finally talked to my bard mentor. He got good reports on my performance at Tartan Day. His pneumonia has finally cleared up, but his back has been out of whack. He did say he was confident enough to recommend me to Games coordinators if he's unable to perform at one of his regular gigs.

Not So Good Stuff:
- While Eric had a good time at the retreat, he came home with a cold, and now he's trying to give it to me. I'm resisting valiantly, but I fear it may overtake me all the same. Maybe it has. It's hard to tell a cold from allergies sometimes. I guess I can't complain. I didn't get sick at all during The Winter From Hell. (Can winter be from Hell? Isn't it too hot there? Or do they have cold parts, too? Maybe that's what we get when they crank the heat up. They suck all the geothermal heat deeper into the core.)
- My wardrobe is woefully thin on professional clothing. My first impulse was to go shopping, but I'm not really up for that right now. Not sure if it's the drastic decrease in closet space or my recent weight gain. I've decided to leave things as they are for now. I can cobble together interview outfits, and if/when I get a job I'll find out what the dress code is and go from there. Who knows, maybe the dress code will be jeans and t-shirts.
- It rained every day this week until today. Not good when one is solar powered.
- I won't be performing at the Chicago Games this year. They don't have it in the budget, but will work it in for next year. If I hadn't done Tartan Day I might have tried to barter to get the gig, but I know how much work it takes now. While I am willing to perform free for certain groups (VA hospital or nursing homes, for example), I'm not about to set that precedent with Games. That could backlash not only on me, but on future performers as well.

From Our House to (Y)Ours

This is looking to be a busy summer.  Alamo Heights is in Stage 3 water restrictions (have been since late last year), which means we can only water one day every other week.  Our day is Wednesday.  Thankfully, they approved a change in watering hours to a more humane 7-11am and 7-11pm.  This saves me from the 3am hell I was in last year. While I can only use a sprinkler one day a week, I can use soaker hoses any day of the week.  That's what I do.

In an effort to save some of the lawn, I'll be commuting every other week to San Antonio to run soaker hoses.  Mr. L will come with me (or drive separately, depending upon what is needed) to work on some other things.

I have a podiatry appointment for new orthotics at the end of the month.  X-rays on my knees and hip reveal nothing broken (I was reasonably certain of that) but some degeneration, which was expected. I doubt they'll schedule me for orthopedics.  Static week for the weight.  I lost the weight I gained last week. I'm fairly sure it's my body adjusting, but I am making an extra effort to stabilize in other ways, too.  I'm looking at a few areas of concern when I feel a strong urge to eat, but I'm not hungry.  I think adjusting when I eat lunch to a little later time may help as well as keeping more veggies in the house -- my supply has dwindled, and I seem to replaced it with less healthy options.  That's fixable.

It looks like I only remembered to run the timer for 3 hours and 45 minutes this week for writing work.  I hope I worked more than that, but that's what the timesheet says.  I did no work on PBOTL, but I did do significant work on The How To Write A Series Expansion (HTWAS-E), which feeds Kitty City.

I'm averaging just under seven hours of sleep per night. Mr. L's work involved setting up and periodically adjusting scaffolding this week (he was putting another coat of paint on the outer west wall of the living room).  I got the lawn mowed and a little watering done.  The Public Health volunteer training was interesting.  They desperately need volunteers, so I plan to sign up.  I forgot to take my paperwork in on Friday, so I'll do it when I get back to town. This is for people to respond in case of natural or man-made disasters.  For instance, if they need to do a mass-immunization to prevent an epidemic.  We had about twenty people at the training.  I don't know how many will volunteer.  This is something I have some experience with, so I can contribute, and when they do the telephone notification, if you can't make it, you indicate that on the response.

The Week Ahead:

• We know one of our kitties has a urinary tract infection.  We don't know which one.  We strongly suspect one of the boys, and Pretty Boy Floyd is prime suspect.  Rather than piecemeal it, we're going to drop all three at Dr. Val's on our way to San Antonio.  She'll keep them and get urine samples to test.  Assuming at least one comes back positive, she'll send a culture off for evaluation to determine what treatment will work best and begin treating.  We'll pick them up when we come back to town at the end of the week.
• Mr. L has a doctor appointment on Tuesday (the rescheduled one when they closed for the Fiesta parade and didn't bother to tell him), and it's also the last day of early voting in the local elections (City Council).  We won't be there on the 10th (election day), so we plan to hit up early voting.
• I need to get as much water on the grass as I can on Monday night, Tuesday, and Wednesday.  It's supposed to rain on Thursday and Friday.  If I believe it would really happen, we wouldn't worry about watering, but so often we get the forecast and no rain comes.
• I plan to get a couple more scenes done on PBOTL this week as well as more work for HTWAS-E.
• We have some items to pick up from Home Depot/Lowe's, etc.
• Mr. L wants to load the convertible onto the trailer to bring it back to Central Texas.  This is the final vehicle and last really big item that needs to get moved.  We don't have a space cleared for it yet, but we do have room to back the trailer into the shop.  That will work for now.