Just venting. This is a safe place, and I don't want to vent on Facebook. Feel free to pass on by.
I just found out I didn't make the cut in yet another contest. I know it's not the end of the world. I've had writers I admire tell me I have talent and to press on, but right now, if I could quit writing and preserve my sanity, I would. I feel like I'm putting myself through a meat grinder for no reason. Intellectually, I know that even if this is a real call, it might be because I'm talking to myself. It's no guarantee that anything I write will ever see the light of day. I ask myself all the time if that's enough. Usually, I say it has to be. Today, the answer is no. I just wish there was an easier way. Or I wish I didn't care if I didn't get published. I wish I could stop and not have to endure crazy dreams and crankiness.
At this point, the decision about conferences just got easier.
12 comments:
{{huggs}} I'd like to say it gets better, but I don't know if that's true.
I am so sorry. I hope you hang in there. {{hugs}}
The contest judges were drunk. Or batweasels. Drunken batweasel pigdogs. Drunken batweasel pigdog slimesuckers. ;)
I have to hang in there, Tammy. I can't stop writing any more than you can walk away from Dubric.
Thanks, Stephen. I'll get back to you on that after I get my feedback. If I get good constructive criticism, it won't be a complete loss.
:( Keep writing. For now, write for you. Keep writing. Are contests the best option for getting your work out there? What other options are available to you?
Wendy, I actually wrote a long answer last night, but was using Dragon (the browser), and when I clicked Publish, my answer vanished because I didn't sign in first. Sigh. It was late so I posted that little snippet--which was the end of my "essay"--and decided I would try again today. So here we go.
You haven't shared a lot of your writing with me, but what I've read has showed talent. I've always believed that success rested on four important things: talent, skill, drive, and luck. And your stories are well crafted (no misspellings, correct punctuation, etc.) which speaks to skill. Obviously you have drive—you’re submitting to contests and agents. Which leads us to luck.
I believe luck plays a larger part in contest winners than anyone—particularly those who sponsor the contest—will admit. I’ve won a fair number of poetry contests in my life. When I was younger, I pursued contest wins religiously. At first, I didn’t win much. Maybe one in 10. Eventually I won two in 10, and eventually 4 in 10. As I watched this process, I began to understand a few things about contests. I realized that luck played a significant role.
Luck? Yes, luck. For several years, I was the final judge on several writing contests. I received twenty or thirty poems that prelim judges had chosen out of a large group. It was fairly easy to pick out the winners from such a small pool. However, before I was a finalist judge, I served as a prelim judge. I would receive 250-500 poems and have to select twenty or thirty poems from that lot in a short period of time. I tried to be as professional as possible, but many of the poems didn’t get as careful a read as maybe they should have. And I knew judges who didn’t even read all the poems, just picked the best of what they read. You don't want to know what the short story judges did.
I’ve talked to many judges and learned this to be true. It’s an open secret. Does that mean contests are completely broken? No. After all, the winners are chosen by judges who liked those works. And that’s all a contest means. It doesn’t mean a rejected work is bad or not as good as the winners—it would if contests were objective, but they’re always subjective—it just means those judges didn’t like it or didn’t read it or read it on a day when they were fighting with their spouse or had a stomach virus or lost that particular piece under the couch cushions and didn’t find it until the entries were mailed back or lost it completely.
I guess what I’m saying is that contests aren’t a good way for anyone to judge their work. Contests aren’t like foot races where it’s obvious who came in first. They’re subjective and always will be.
By the way, I wrote this in Word first and copied it over. I didn't want to lost it again! :)
Huh. The last lines should have read: "By the way, I wrote this in Word first and copied it over. I didn't want to hit publish and find I had lost it again! :)"
Intellectually I know you're right. In act, most of the time when I enter contests, it's not because I want the validation, although sometimes there is a prize I want. ;-) Its mostly for the feedback, and about 80% of that has been helpful. Occasionally I get a judge who's been smoking crack, but I learn from the good ones. Having said that, it's still disappointing to enter hear after year and not even make the first cut.
I got my feedback. The gist of the comments was the author is good, she has a nice voice, but the plot sucks. The heroine is conflicted, and I'm not sure why. Not enough sensory detail. Oh, yeah, and the synopsis needs more emotion. Dude, it's a one page synopsis. I don't have enough words for emotion if I'm going to get through the story.
I'm so frustrated right now I could chuck the whole thing, and crazy dreams be damned. Screw conferences this year. Clearly I have a lot of work to do before I'm ready for an agent.
It's still a subjective judgment. May I read the story?
Agree with Stephen. May I read it, too?
Wendy, it's totally subjective. And also totally out of your control. ALL you can do is write the best story you can and shoot it out there. That's it. All of the rest is a crap shoot.
One thing that helped me in this (and I'm going through the EXACT SAME THING with all the rejections my books are gathering) was this post from Agent Janet Reid - http://jetreidliterary.blogspot.com/2014/04/query-question-reasons-for-rejection.html
Down in the comments (not far) is one from a gal named Terri Lynn Coop. That's the real prize here.
Just keep telling yourself, it might just be a cat named Fred. It really does help. {{hugs}}
I can send you what I have, but it's an unfinished hot mess right now. I've been working on the rewrite, and it's only pure stubbornness that's kept me from deleting it and the backups. Let me know which address you want me to use, and feel free to make suggestions. Please.
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