numb

Ever have stuff to say, but it's too overwhelming to find the right words? I'm just back from the church retreat, and like last year, I'm this odd combination of refreshed and tired and overstimulated and over-caffeinated and a little raw. The speakers were really good. Maybe a little too good. It's easier when they spout the same old scripture and verse that just rolls over you and you can move on to the arts and crafts portion. Our church is not like that. They like to dig, convict when necessary, and hug a lot. The hugging is nice.

I had two main take-aways. Yesterday, the founder of a homeless ministry spoke on Genesis 28: 10-18, which is Jacob's dream at Bethel about the stairway to heaven. She said we are the stairways that the angels go up and down, and therefore, everyplace we stand is holy ground. To me, that is amazing and wonderful and terrifying. If I'm a stairway to heaven, I think I must have a couple loose steps!

The second was this morning when a different speaker was talking about how, in her teen years, moving around a lot for her dad's job, she kept people at arms' length to keep from getting hurt, and all her relationships were superficial. I realized I've been doing that. Not intentionally, but because I feel like if I really go deep with someone, all I'm going to do is whine about how my house isn't done and the kids at work are squirrelly and how I left for a church retreat, and when I came home two days later, the house was almost exactly as I'd left it and we have family coming in 6 weeks for Thanksgiving. So, yeah. Need to work on making friendships more meaningful. Just not today. I can't do people anymore today. At this point I just need someone to tell me 6 weeks is more than enough time to finish putting the house together.