Auld Lang Syne

Turn Does The Year
By Stephen B. Bagley

the old year turns
either onto a new path
or onto the same
with only minor changes

we raise a cup or not
as it may be hoping it will
even as we realize
it might not be as hoped

in this heartbeat
between then and now
and what comes after
drink deep the bittersweet

we are promised nothing
but we plan and plan
and if the fates be kind
some plans will bloom

we cannot make promises
we might not keep
even though we will try
and cry and laugh and run

dance with me or
love with me maybe
pray with me perhaps
kiss sweet lips now

think of what we leave
behind walk toward what
is before us hold my hand
as the old year turns new

Happy New Year!

Here's to 2015 being profitable! :-)

Endings and Beginnings

I like the end of year/beginning of year time.  Looking back over what I hoped to accomplish this year, I'm reasonably pleased.  Here's what the plan was (and how it turned out):

Relationships: I'll continue to work on spouse, family, and friends. I'm going to focus on quality time with Mr. L  and calling my parents at least once a month. I want to be a good friend, and that varies with each friend. (I did talk to my parents at least once a month this year. The others are tougher to assess.)

For health, weight, fitness, and diet... I think weighing daily isn't working either, so I'm going to go for twice a month on the first and 15th.  I want to get my fasting glucose level below 100 and normal levels on cholesterol and blood pressure ... I think I'm going to choose Mindful Eating -- as I understand it, that's getting things right in your head, and that's where my eating problems lie. (The Mindful Eating Diet worked well for me for, you guessed it, the usual three months.  I am still less than what I started the year at by seven pounds, mostly due to closing out the year with the flu.  My blood and blood pressure numbers are all pretty much the same. My doctor was not unhappy, so I'll keep looking for ways to work on that. Since I got the Withings scale, I weigh daily.)

For home and property, there are things to maintain and things to improve. Obviously, yard work is a focus.  There are several things at each property I'd like to see us get done, but most of them will require Mr. L to make it a priority, and he doesn't like to be pushed -- he has a timeline in his mind, and it shifts as new priorities emerge, so even if he tells me, it changes from one day to the next, so I'm better off letting him "drive the bus" for those things. I control yard work, housework, and decluttering of my things.  I'm developing measurable goals for those items. (I stayed on top of yard work, and Mr. L got an awesome amount of work done in Central Texas this year.  Utterly failed at decluttering for another year.)

For Writing, I'm going to continue incorporating Product Launch Formula principles into marketing my writing, writing more short fiction, revising my novels, and building my Fiction Club list.  I plan to continue the same blogging schedule.  I'm preparing short fiction for A-Z Challenge in April.  I still need to finish revising Polar Bear on the Loose, and I have several novels to work on after I finish that. (Blackbirds First Flight was an unexpected pleasure.  I did finish revising Polar Bear on the Loose, but she needs another go around to be ready for prime time. I've decided Twilight, temporarily named Geeks, will be the next up for revision.  Blogging went according to schedule.  Fiction Club list hasn't grown much beyond the initial growth garnered from Stephen's awesome encouragement of his tribe, but I pick up a new subscriber every now and then. Having graduated from the first year of PLF, I'm part of Holly's MasterMind group, and they are a fascinating group to work with.)

So, I'm generally pleased with 2014. What's on tap for 2015?

I completed Michael Hyatt's Best Year Ever workshop.  I believe it helped me in a couple of areas (but at this point, unless renewing is a LOT cheaper than the initial cost, I see no reason to renew next year).  I have more specific goals, which was something I wanted to learn.  They could probably still be better, and I may learn to improve them further.  Here goes:

    1.    HEALTH. Lose 28 pounds by December 31, 2015, and reduce average heart rate ten points to 71 (on Withings scale). This breaks down to 2.3 pounds per month and less than one beat per minute on heart rate.  I need to improve my cardio health.  That's why the heart rate goal has been added.
    2.    WRITING. Publish Polar Bear on the Loose by August 4, 2015.
    3.    WRITING. Revise Geeks using HTRYN, averaging one lesson per month.
    4.    PROPERTY. Declutter one room or area of my stuff per month. If it doesn't have a home, box it and remove it from the house, sell it, or give it away. (Inventory glass and decide what to sell, dining room, under back stairs and downstairs bathroom, parlor, kitchen, bedroom an small closet, my closet, blue room, den, living room, store, and garage)
    5.    SPIRITUAL. Pray and meditate for 20 minutes daily.
    6.    INTERNET RESPONSIBILITIES. Successfully migrate FM to Joomla! 3.
    7.    RELATIONSHIP. Be present when I'm with Alan. (I'm not objecting to this one, but it's not measurable, and I'm not happy with it.)
    8.    FINANCIAL. Save $XXXX by October 1, 2015, to be able to pay property taxes in full with we get the bills. (This is a key to getting my finances back on track.)

The key to achieving these goals is the "next actions" tracking I've programmed into Things.  I've not done that before.

I wish you all a prosperous and joyous New Year.

Getting my act together

I'm home alone this week. Little Miss is at her dad's until we pick her up Thursday, Laura is in Des Moines hanging w/ friends too. Bill's working overtime every day... So it's me and the pets rattling around in the house alone.

It's good. I need to straighten some things out in my head and life.

I bought a FitBit yesterday (A One, which is currently clipped to my bra) and I wore it last night on my wrist while sleeping. It says I woke 16 times.

I am a terrible sleeper, always have been, partly due to nightmares (I have to have a light on or I cannot sleep at all) partly due to sinusy issues. It's always a struggle, but at least now I can see and track it, maybe make some modifications. I bought a new calendar and am going to keep a regular to-do list on it, as well as make some general notes about my day. Hopefully it'll help.

I cancelled my Weight Watchers membership over the weekend. My head isn't in the game there - hasn't been for more than a year - and I cannot justify continuing to pay $42.95 a month just to sit in a weekly meeting that I'm not taking anything away from. I have discussed this with my therapist, my physician, even saw a nutritionist/dietician a couple of weeks ago. My problem isn't my diet - it's actually pretty good - it's my brain. But it's always been my brain. My doc wants me to up exercise. That's her only modification, along with the dietician's suggestion to also add soy. I've started to do both of those things (the fitbit should help w/ exercise). My therapist is focusing on some of my self-hatred issues. Whee.

Writing is, well, writing. I get words sometimes. Most days I don't. I feel like I'm spitting into the wind with this book. I can see the whole thing in my head, but can only access random slivers. SPORE's cover blurbs are starting to come in and they're incredible. I hope it does well, but it terrifies me. I'm trying to devise ways to get back into the daily groove, but it's not going well. I need to get another book done. Soon. Sigh.

I have decided we (I) have TOO MUCH STUFF and I'm starting a clear out and purge. Bill wants to put everything in totes in the basement, but they sit down there and sit and sit and sit and the stuff gets forgotten and remains unused... I think I'm just gonna toss/sell/donate as much as I reasonably can. There's just too much clutter!

Anyway, that's about it for me. {{hugs}} and have a fantabulous 2015

Made it

I got through Christmas Day fine with Eric. In fact, it was kind of nice to sit and watch movies together. The only downside was we sat around doing nothing so long I had a hard time getting to sleep that night.

The trip downstate was nice. Sort of. After living here for a year, Mascoutah seems bleak and depressing. We got to see some friends during our short time there, which was a lot of fun. I'm more glad than ever the job there fell through. We've started a game plan to sell the house, and the kids were all for it, which tells me it really is time to move on. We'll be back down in the area from time to time for Games and to visit Vicky, so we'll get to see friends, but the house isn't home anymore. It needs to be passed along to a nice family who can take advantage of the quiet area and good schools. Our target date to put it on the market is mid-April, which means I'll be making a couple trips down there to get the place spruced up, things moved to storage or sold, and small repairs done.

That's about it for now. I've got some loose ends to tie up but nothing earth shaking on the calendar for this week. I suppose if I'm going to set some goals for the new year I'd better get on that.

Contributing to the heat death of the universe

Was watching a show on the Discovery Science Channel -- can't tell you which one because I didn't pay attention -- but the scientist on it talked about how every living thing contributes to entropy, how being alive is a constant journey toward disorder and how using the energy we do is an infinitely small contributor to the eventual heat death of the universe. Yeah, happy stuff. I think I switched over to watch a movie at that point. Probably Guardians of the Galaxy, which I enjoyed greatly.

Later, over a hot cup of chai latte, I began to think about what the scientist said. We do contribute to disorder by being alive. We have our own personal carbon footprint. Energy is used by our gadgets, cars, machines, buildings ... we build a debt up by simply being alive. It's mostly a factor of our current technology; four thousand years ago, we lived short lives. Our impact was less; we simply didn't survive long enough to have much of a footprint.

We can reduce our carbon footprint by doing easy things: Take public transportation when available, don't use plastic when we can avoid it, use recyclable plastic when we can, use more glass and paper containers, change the air filters in our heaters and air conditioners, take our own bags to the store, weatherstrip our houses and buildings, and so on. I'm sure you can think of several things that are fairly easy to do. Naturally, we won't see much of a impact, particularly if no one else does any of these items. But in a huge group, it's amazing how much energy we can save.

But will anyone do them? Some of them are not particularly convenient. Some of them take more time. And in the short run, more money. I do carry my own canvas bags to use; they're cheap and sturdy. We do change the air filters. Our house has energy efficient windows. We don't have access to public transportation here. We probably keep our thermostat too high in the winter and too low in the summer. And so on. It's hard to work up enthusiasm about results when they're dependent on so many people.

Not much point to this. Just where my mind has been wandering. Next week, I'll be talking about my plans for 2015. This week, a couple of visits to the doctor. Actually, doctors. House cleaning. Chores. Planning.

Have a great week and a Happy New Year!

Sick

Mr. L came down with the crud (fever, cough, achey body) on Tuesday, and I bore the brunt of it yesterday. We haven't made Christmas dinner yet. Mr. L feels up to making it today but not up to eating it. We'll get around to it eventually. For now, we're taking it easy. I have the "I've slept too much" headache, but it's all I can do.

I got the lawn mowed and leaves bagged before I got too sick to move. The Spanish Oak is still dropping leaves. I guess that's about it for this week.

Glad that's over

Made it through the holiday with only one blowup. Yay. Maybe some year there will be none. I'm planning on taking down my few decorations tomorrow and it'll be done.

{{hugs}}

Slight movement

We've had a bit of news. The job downstate fell through. As usually happens when dealing with the government, they chose to go with less qualified people they could pay less. It will cost them more in the long run, probably, by the time they get the newbies certified with the certifications Eric already has, but that doesn't fall into the scope of initial funding apparently. I'm relieved, really. Contracting is bad enough without the government involved. So. Not moving home with the daughter. We won't hear anything on the Milwaukee job for a couple weeks, but we're kinda holding out hope for that one. It's a permanent position, and it would get us out of IL, which we've wanted for quite a while.

We've decided what we're doing for Christmas. It will be a Marvel-ous movie fest. We'll start with the Avengers and work forward from there. Thank goodness for Marvel or Eric and I would rarely agree on a movie. We'll also pack up to leave Friday morning. We have some fun things on the schedule for the weekend, including dinner with our neighbors and brunch with Scottish friends.

One other thing--acupuncture rocks. I didn't realize how much tension I was carrying with me until after my first session (here) last week. I can take a full breath now, and I didn't realize I couldn't before.

I hope you all have a lovely, relaxing Christmas.

Come Next Monday

I really will be in San Antonio.  Mr. L asked me to hang around a few extra days while he finished the newsletter, so we're leaving Sunday instead of Friday.

I'm practicing implementing the results of my Best Year Ever work.  I set me weekly review for Friday evening in preparation for putting this post together. I used my areas of focus here to shape my goals. I have eight: Health, writing (2), property, relationship, spiritual, internet responsibility, an financial. They are specific Not sure if I'll share them here or not.  I can easily share the writing goals. Publish Polar Bear on the Loose on or before August 4, 2015 and revise Twilight (including finding it a new name) using How To Revise Your Novel with a goal of completing one lesson a month (there are 22 lessons in the course, so this goal will extend beyond 2015).

I've scheduled projects, check points, and recurring tasks into Things and I'm working those -- revising as needed to be ready for the new year, but I think I have things set the way I want them.  While I thought the course was a little more expensive than I would have liked, and I generally knew everything it presented, it was organized into a nice framework. The forums even helped me figure out one of my goals wasn't really the goal (although I didn't tell them that -- I thanked them for their input and said it was helpful, because it was).

I've mentioned elsewhere that my doctor recommended I see orthopedics about my knee.  He thinks it may be time for a total knee replacement.  The steroid injection he gave me yesterday already has the knee feeling and working better. I've set up an appointment at the VA to ask for a referral to orthopedics to begin the process.  If I'm not comfortable with them, I'll return to my doctor and work through the clinic.  Beside confidence in the staff, the only other difference is cost to me.  Via the VA, there will be no cost to me.  Via my clinic, I could incur up to $3000 in costs (TRICARE's catastrophic cap).  Confidence in the team is the more important thing to me.  If I'm not comfortable with the VA team, I'll investigate my primary care team. I expect I'll be comfortable with the VA team, but I won't know until I get in to see them.

Our local high school football team won the state championship for the third year in a row.

The Air is set up to fill in the gap while the MacBook Pro is in for repairs.  I appear to still be procrastinating on the A-Z files, but I did get preparatory work done for Polar Bear on the Loose and Twilight next steps.

The Week Ahead:

• Yard work in San Antonio
• I have some classwork to do for PLF
• I have three writing projects (PBOTL, Twilight, and A-Z reconfiguration) -- I need to make regular progress on all three.
• Get the MacBook Pro in for the memory repair.

Merry Christmas, everyone. It'll be a quiet day at our place. 

Blind Love

The Polar Bear on the Loose type-in is complete.  This journey began eleven years ago, and it's not done yet, but I'm getting closer.  Inuit is out among her beta readers, and I know some work remains to be done -- quite a bit, actually, but your feedback will help me decide the direction of that.

Here's what I worked on this week:

• Website work for me.  I'm building a mailing list, series of messages, the web page, and landing page for Polar Bear on the Loose.  It's too early yet, but I'm building things to be ready when the time comes.  
• I revamped Inuit's blog, replacing my theme template with my purchased Weaver Pro theme, then I customized it for Inuit's new look.
• I saw some things that initially concerned me on the back end (but I eventually figured out what they were).  Still, I didn't want anyone hijacking my site, so I installed the WordFence security plug-in.  Using the real time feature on that, I saw where a site in Italy had been hitting my login page and trying to login as admin.  I know conventional wisdom is to not use "admin" or "administrator" for you admin login, but I hadn't made that change.  I will be changing the login name on all my blogs over the next few weeks.
• Most Christmas cards and packages got into the mail this week.
• Deer feeder and camera are set up on the ranch for the final deer census of the year.
• Blood draw and prescriptions are picked up
• Haircut done
• I've been trying Wendy's tumeric recipe.  It's not hurting, but I'm not seeing dramatic results yet.
• I signed up for the Best Year Ever (BYE) planning workshop.  (Wendy knows what I'm talking about) It's pretty good, but I'm not learning anything earth shattering (not yet, anyway -- I'm only on Day 3).  I am doing the self-paced version of the course.  The VIP version didn't offer anything I was interested in.  It's too early to judge, though.
• No visit from older daughter.  Her husband got time off work, but she had to work her part-time job.

I'm feeling like a have an overwhelming amount of work to do.   I didn't get the big things done from the list from last week.  In fact, I added to that list.

The Week Ahead:

• Semi-annual doctor appointment on Thursday (ask about knee, which is locking and sending what feels like an uncomfortable electric shock every time I "unlock" it)
• Get email working on the Air
• Ensure apps are up-to-date on the Air
• Do Time Machine and SuperDuper! backups of the MacBookPro on Thursday evening
• Finish BYE workshop
• Watch our local football team compete for their three-peat championship on TV on Thursday evening
• Outline a brief background book about Inuit and her creation to give away in exchange for signing up to the New Release email list. (Book to be written while we're in San Antonio)
• Have everything ready for the A-Z books to do some work on them.
• Once I get to San Antonio, drop the MacBookPro at the Apple store to get it sent off for repair (Christmas week is probably the worst week ever to try to do this)
• Get final packages and cards in the mail

Somewhat better

I've got Christmas cards done, gifts for all the parents bought and almost ready to mail. Eric and the kids are almost done, too, but I have more time to work on them since I don't have to mail anything. I've been listening to Christmas music more, and that's helped. Our travel plans have finally fallen into place, and that's helped, too. While I won't see the kids on Christmas, we will see them the next day. I'm the only one distressed about it. :-/

There are some other things related to Eric's job that I can't get into now that are a source of stress. When we were moving here I dreamed occasionally about being lost in the airport. Those dreams are back. Doesn't take a genius to figure out what they likely mean. I'm trying to make it a point to eat well, get some movement, do something quiet and relaxing, and keep lines of communication with Eric wide open, and it's helping me to not freak out. Hopefully the other shoe will drop this week. Until they do, the primary coping mechanism will be distraction and the secondary will be showing myself kindness and grace.

I hope y'all are well and celebrating (or not) in your favorite way.

Turning point?

Life is getting back to normal here. I'm more functional than I was last week--getting housework done, Christmas shopping started, holiday plans firmed up. I helped decorate the sanctuary at church on Saturday and that was fun. I got my decorating fix since I'm not decorating at home this year. All my decorations are downstate, and I don't have room for a full sized tree. I just can't bring myself to get a bunch of stuff I'm going to have to store the rest of the year when storage space is at a premium, and frankly, I'm not in full-blown Christmas mode this year. I'm treasuring the small moments when they come, but I can't be bothered to sustain it minute to minute. I bought a little (2' maybe) tree made of silver Christmas balls and a wreath for the front door. Mom gave me a snowman in a kilt.

Everything is different this year. I likely won't see my kids on Christmas. I think we're going to drive downstate the day after. I'm still trying to coordinate with Vicky's schedule. I have to go down regardless of what they're doing to get my rendezvous gear. I'm going to FL this year. I blew it off last year because of the timing of the move and kicked myself the rest of the winter. Christmas is a logical time to do that.

I've felt a kind of restlessness since we moved here and I haven't been able to figure out what it is. I think I need to start some kind of a career, something that pays, but I don't know what. I've never had a career. Military wives don't have them unless they're nurses or teachers. The only time I've felt like I was doing something productive in the last three years (maybe longer) was when we were working on Blackbirds. For that brief time, I had a purpose. I was needed by someone other than Eric. I want that again, but I want to get paid. Maybe, if I had a paying job, we wouldn't be so stressed while we wait for Eric's job situation to get sorted out. Maybe, if I made enough money, he could walk away from contract work and start his own business. If I'm honest with myself, even if I got a book contract today, it wouldn't make enough to support us.

The year is winding down. The new year will be on us before we know it. I want to do something to contribute financially that will make a difference to society. I just don't know what, and if I did, I wouldn't know where to start. It's eating at me and I can't identify it. Is this my mid-life crisis?

Lists

I've started using lists again. I hadn't been using them lately. Hadn't felt well enough to do much. Just going to the doctor and coming home to fall in bed didn't require a list. But I'm finally feeling well enough to resume some activity. Not healthy yet, but much better. Enough that I'm trying to un-bury my desk and clean my house. We will have company in two weeks -- my roomie's children and grandchildren to celebrate Christmas, and three of the grandchildren are going to spend the night so their parents can have a date night -- so better to start now and do what I can just in case I get sick again.

Also, the writing group's Christmas potluck is next Saturday. It's food, conversation, live music, the Christmas Story, and a few other activities. I want to stay on top of it so that I don't have to scramble on Friday.

I'm also attempting to publish the family newsletter and get some Christmas cards mailed. I need to get a haircut. And do some Christmas shopping. Several of my relatives are getting Blackbirds First Flight for Christmas! (If I know they haven't bought it -- and I do.) While I like to sell the books, I also want the stories read. I'd like to build up an audience for a Second Flight.

Anyway, between bills, housework, shopping, preparations, doctors' visits, errands, I need lists again to keep everything straight. I'm glad I feel well enough to start having a schedule again.

And that's pretty much what I'm doing this week: my lists. Hope your lists aren't too long and that they are easy to get accomplished. Have a great week.

Put Your Hand in the Hand

Remember that song?  Keep your faith strong, friends.

We got bills paid in San Antonio. I upgraded to the iPhone 6 Plus (I love it), but I have to take the laptop back and have it sent off for repairs -- it has a memory problem.  I got no yard work done and very little type-in or other work completed.  I did get some reading done. After numerous trips under the house over two days, Mr. L has declared the project completed. This means we can take the next steps in the bathroom remodel that's been in the works for around ten years.

Stephen, thanks for the post card.

Mr. L wanted to do several things today that didn't require a lot of effort (except for moving the scaffolding in preparation for the next area on his shingle project), so he dragged me all over the county on various errands.

The Week Ahead:

• Get a haircut
• Pay bills
• Set up the deer cam and refill the feeder for the final census for the year.
• Polar Bear on the Loose type-in.  I'm almost finished.
• Prepare the house for company -- older daughter and husband may visit Saturday
• Remind Mr. L to put together and print the Christmas cards
• Prepare the MacBook Pro to go in for the memory repair (most likely memory replacement), and prepare the MacBook Air to function as my primary machine for a week or so while the Pro is sent out for repairs. (I saw the 5k iMac....swooon)
• Prepare end of year posts, prepare goals for new year, schedule blog posts through the end of the year, so I don't have to worry about them.
• Get A-Z Ebooks finalized and ready for my trusty beta readers to read and critique.
• Get Polar Bear on the Loose finalized and ready to go to beta readers around the first of the year.
• Study.

Have a joyous week.  Bah! Humbug!

Breathing

My nasal surgery went well. Today, though, is quite a lot more painful than yesterday. The bleeding has mostly stopped - still a little - and I'm spitting out more mucus now, which is good. I'm not allowed to blow my nose and, of course, I REALLY want to blow my nose.

My front teeth seriously hurt. A Lot. Which is on my list of 'normal' conditions post surgery. It can last up to 2 weeks.

Yay?

All in all, it's not as bad as I feared it would be. I had the same anesthesiologist as when I had the cyst removed and I'm thinking for sending him a little thank you gift for making sure I woke up twice. Also, his name's David, just like my brother which was reassuring.

I cannot type (or think well) when taking vicodin, so I've done no writing, although I did try a little last night. I could barely hold a thought long enough to complete a sentence, and making numerous typos helped too. ;)

That's really about it for the surgery update. I'm currently past-due for a pain pill so I'm typing all right. Still a little fuzzy in the head, tho.

Monday is our anniversary so Bill's put up with my crap for 26 years. It's been a great time. :)

I received cover art for SPORE. I know Jean's seen it, not sure about Stephen or Wendy - my thoughts are kinda fuzzy these past few days. Let me know if you want to see it and haven't, and I'll PM you on FB.

It's gorgeous, btw. :)

I'm about to dope up and head to bed. Have a great weekend, everyone! {{hugs}}