And how are you on this bright Saturday? Except it's not bright here; it's cloudy and windy, but not our Wendy who is bright and sunny and sent me a lovely card that I should have acknowledged before now and knew that I should have, but instead I have been in a pout.
Yes, yes, yes, I know. Pouting is unattractive and immature. If my mother was still alive, she would have plenty to say to me. And it would all be good advice. "Count your blessings." "Grow up." "Get busy." "Pray." "Hope." "Sing." "Work." "Do your chores." My mama was a practical person. She struggled with depression her whole life, but never gave in.
So I know what I should I do. Pick myself up. Get moving. Pursue my dreams.
However ...
I find myself sitting in my dark living room, mindlessly watching old and dumb TV shows. I find myself tossing and turning in bed until I get up and wander my house at night. I find myself refusing to do any of these things that I should be doing.
Not quite true.
I am doing one thing. And I suspect it's the cause of this extended pout. I'm on a low low low carb diet for my blood sugar. And I am keeping that. I'm not drinking fruit juices, I'm not devouring bread, I'm not enjoying pasta, I'm not gorging on Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Cookies, I'm not guzzling Dr Pepper, I'm not doing dozens of things I used to do. And ... I miss them.
Oh Lord how I miss them.
The diet is working. Dang it. My blood sugar is trending low. Not as low as I'd hope -- as I think it should be considering how hard I'm finding this -- but lower than ever. I've even had normal levels -- I should say normal like non-diabetics since my normal is apparently around 200, which is bad, but feels so much better than 103.
Well, there I am. And I'm so cranky. And depressed. Even Eeyore would find me a downer. And I know I'm being one. Gloomy. Bleak. Goth. I'm even wearing black clothes. (Actually, I wear a lot of black, anyway, on the mistaken assumption that it hides some of my ... ah ... flab.) If I had black eye shadow -- well, I wouldn't wear it, but you get the point.
Enough of that. Let's count my blessings and accomplishments.
1. The diet is working.
2. I got the writers group anthology submitted to the publisher. We're not through with it yet, but we're so close I can taste it. I will be grateful when it's done.
3. I've been helping a friend work on his book of devotions. I'm hoping it should be out in September.
4. I kept up with most of my chores, although the house could do with a good dusting.
5. I've walked some at the gym. Not as much as I should have. But I have.
6. I had lunch with a couple of friends this week. And kept the diet.
7. Received a lot of nice compliments from the writers group members about the cover of the anthology, which did turn out nice.
Anyway, that's what I've been doing. Next week I want to not pout and write on Murder by the Mile. Sorry for the pout.
4 comments:
I understand the pouting. Your mother, of course, is right, but I completely understand.
I know it's tough, but I'm proud of you for sticking with it. I know you said fear is a strong motivator, but not everyone allows it to motivate them.
I believe it WILL get easier. Getting through these couple of weeks is key. Then, maintaining will be important, but you'll learn new tricks to help.
Thanks, Jeans. I confess to being dismayed about how difficult this is. I guess carbs really are my drug of choice. Oh well, there are so many worse problems to have in this world. I'm going to shake this off.
And my mother was almost always right. It was quite irritating. And how I miss it.
Honestly, I know I would benefit from a lower carb lifestyle. There is little doubt in my mind carbs are my drug of choice. I'm not surprised at how difficult it is. Food, since it's necessary to survive, is one of the most difficult addictions, I think.
Amen on the food addictions. Y'know, sometimes you just have to acknowledge that life in its current form sucks eggs and plow through. There have been times that was the only thing that got me off the couch, especially when I was decaffeinating.
Want me to send you some black nail polish? ;)
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