Got to post here more. Here I am, the creator of this site, but I spend less time on it than anyone else does. The past few weeks, though, not much to say that's new. The heart business continues. I drag myself out of bed, try to do what I can, go to appointments with various doctors, give them whatever fluid they want for tests that day, make sure my prescriptions are filled, try to eat a bit, fall into bed with my body exhausted and my mind spinning, spinning, spinning.
What's going on is that my heart isn't responding as they had hoped to the various meds. So... if it doesn't improve in the next two weeks, we going to "escalate" the treatments, possibly involving a couple of procedures I don't want to talk about it. I hope it improves.
That's about all I can do. Follow the doctors' orders and hope and pray. I feel helpless. I'm not used to that feeling. I'm strong-willed as many, many, many people have mentioned in my life. I've never known how to do anything except to lower my head and plunge forward, bulldozing my way to where angels fear to tread. Sometimes things have worked out; sometimes they haven't.
But I can't do that this time. I feel helpless. Out of control. Not that I'm feeling anything different from most men who have "cardiac events." I'm just going through the "normal reactions," according to my doctor.
You want to know the weirdest feeling? Betrayal. I feel betrayed by my body. Something that I had always taken for granted now requires my attention. I can't trust it. I now have a pulse meter that travels with me all the time. When I feel bad or exhausted or faint, I push a button and record my pulse.
And all that -- according to the doctor -- is how people normally feel. I'm just another one of the heart herd. Moo.
Anyway, there are some bright things I want to share -- yes, not all doom and gloom, surprise!
This week:
- I mopped my kitchen floor. Took most of a day. No scrubbing, but it looked better. I divided it in sections and did it over three hours, one small section at a time. Rested between.
- I vacuumed my whole house by myself. Took all freaking day. Rested after each room. But I did it.
- Read a friend's manuscript. He wanted me to look for errors. Found many. About used up my red pen.
- Paid my bills.
- Had a writers group meeting last Saturday. Will have one next Saturday. The group has been supportive during this time.
- Sang Happy Birthday to my sister today.
- Went out to eat with friends tonight.
Next week:
- A few more household chores.
- Work on Murder by the Mile.
- Set up a Paypal account so people can buy signed Tales from Bethlehem directly from me. I have a handful of copies left.
- Work on getting reviews of Murder by the Acre (Second Edition) on Amazon.
- The News on Facebook Monday through Friday.
- Finish one -- oh yes just one -- of backlogged family newsletters.
- Prepare for the writers group meeting.
- And whatever else I can do.
Hope you have a great week. I'm rootin' for ya!
2 comments:
My grandmother's doctor told her to do what she can. If it doesn't get done, it doesn't get done. I think that's sound advice even if you're not 97. I'm not happy to hear that your health problems are more serious than you've been letting on, but I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. I've heard about feeling betrayed from other people, too, although I'm sure that doesn't help when it's you. Praying.
Stephen, I think I would feel betrayed, too. It sounds like you're doing everything you can -- including getting rest. It takes time to "bounce" back from these things. It doesn't help you be more patient when you have so much to do, though.
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