Betrayal, or what's really going on

Got to post here more. Here I am, the creator of this site, but I spend less time on it than anyone else does. The past few weeks, though, not much to say that's new. The heart business continues. I drag myself out of bed, try to do what I can, go to appointments with various doctors, give them whatever fluid they want for tests that day, make sure my prescriptions are filled, try to eat a bit, fall into bed with my body exhausted and my mind spinning, spinning, spinning.

What's going on is that my heart isn't responding as they had hoped to the various meds. So... if it doesn't improve in the next two weeks, we going to "escalate" the treatments, possibly involving a couple of procedures I don't want to talk about it. I hope it improves.

That's about all I can do. Follow the doctors' orders and hope and pray. I feel helpless. I'm not used to that feeling. I'm strong-willed as many, many, many people have mentioned in my life. I've never known how to do anything except to lower my head and plunge forward, bulldozing my way to where angels fear to tread. Sometimes things have worked out; sometimes they haven't.

But I can't do that this time. I feel helpless. Out of control. Not that I'm feeling anything different from most men who have "cardiac events." I'm just going through the "normal reactions," according to my doctor.

You want to know the weirdest feeling? Betrayal. I feel betrayed by my body. Something that I had always taken for granted now requires my attention. I can't trust it. I now have a pulse meter that travels with me all the time. When I feel bad or exhausted or faint, I push a button and record my pulse.

And all that -- according to the doctor -- is how people normally feel. I'm just another one of the heart herd. Moo.

Anyway, there are some bright things I want to share -- yes, not all doom and gloom, surprise!

This week:
- I mopped my kitchen floor. Took most of a day. No scrubbing, but it looked better. I divided it in sections and did it over three hours, one small section at a time. Rested between.
- I vacuumed my whole house by myself. Took all freaking day. Rested after each room. But I did it.
- Read a friend's manuscript. He wanted me to look for errors. Found many. About used up my red pen.
- Paid my bills.
- Had a writers group meeting last Saturday. Will have one next Saturday. The group has been supportive during this time.
- Sang Happy Birthday to my sister today.
- Went out to eat with friends tonight.

Next week:
- A few more household chores.
- Work on Murder by the Mile.
- Set up a Paypal account so people can buy signed Tales from Bethlehem directly from me. I have a handful of copies left.
- Work on getting reviews of Murder by the Acre (Second Edition) on Amazon.
- The News on Facebook Monday through Friday.
- Finish one -- oh yes just one -- of backlogged family newsletters.
- Prepare for the writers group meeting.
- And whatever else I can do.

Hope you have a great week. I'm rootin' for ya!

From Crazy to Boring

We have been overtaken by the blahs.

The book is out to publishers. One was an immediate no because she will not look at anything with 'spec fic' in it, even tho it totally fits her line otherwise. Ah well. The rest have it tho and they're almost all executive editors which is kinda scary, but good. Despite working with paper and pen, and with the laptop, I'm having a really hard time nailing down a solid concept for, well, anything. Hopefully something will break loose soon.

Bill's back is slowly healing and we've been taking walks to help him get his strength back. Had another chiro visit today and it's looking like he'll be going back to work on Thursday. Little Miss is visiting her dad and Laura is in Des Moines doing stuff with friends for a couple of days, so it's been just Bill and me. And we're bored. Bored bored bored bored bored. And he's injured. And I'm dieting. And we're tight on money (who isn't) so we remain bored.

Yay.

Got the borders on Wendy's quilt today (hon, can you shoot me a mailing address??) and I need to stretch it and Jean's quilt probably tomorrow. Tonight it's been Candy Crush and channel surfing. Might take myself to a movie. Maybe.

Blah.

Oh! My mom's procedure went great, and we're supposed to get results soon, plus I was 5lbs down at weigh in on Thurs and am back to my 'low' weight. Hoping to surpass that this week, if only I can not eat from boredom.

We're really not used to having the house to ourselves anymore. ;)  {{hugs}}

Everything's Coming Up....Expenses

There's a pandemic of expenses going around.  It seems everyone I know is being hit with financial issues these last few weeks.  Longer if truth be told (and it is).  Praying for some financial relief for everyone involved.

The Good Stuff:

• Had a nice visit with the kids this weekend.  The grandkids were doing their own thing -- one away at college; the other working, so we got to spend quality time with daughter and her husband.  Managed to briefly see both granddaughters between stints at work, meeting older granddaughter at the mall before she had to go to work (and making faces at her through the window after she actually started work -- apparently this is a family tradition since pre-school).
• Got the grass mowed at the store this morning
• Just a couple of things decluttered -- better than none, I suppose.
• I cut up cucumbers and red peppers to take to Dallas and snacked on them when we were in the room.  Much better choice than getting chips and pop.
• Learned to use BillPay (I don't need it for my bills, but it's coming in handy for another purpose -- did you know you can use it to send money to anyone if you have the account number, the address, and the phone number of the institution?).

The Not So Good Stuff:

• Virtually no writing work this week.  A very little on the Sweet Spot map and a few idea generation exercises, but that's it.
• We came home from Dallas to a note on the door from the store neighbors -- the water pipe broke again. Thankfully, they turned the water off at the meter and saved us a lot on the water bill (will probably still be jacked up, depending upon how long before they realized it needed to be taken care of).
• We didn't get to the ranch (that was Mr. L's timeline and not mine, so it's not a huge issue for me, but it does need to be done, and we're not getting much done around the house this year -- he's spending a lot of time at the shop and getting transmission, transfer case, and PTO rebuilt for my Jeep, so he's not completely unproductive).

The Week Ahead:

• I'm supposed to go to SA with Mr. L so I can water, but they're getting rains from Ingrid all week (a good think except for the flash flood risk).  I am committed to bringing something to an acquaintance down there, so I guess we'll be making the trip.  Besides, he may need a driver to take him to and from his medical appointment (the reason for the trip), because he's having an in-office surgical procedure performed.  I don't mind making the trip, but if I didn't have to go, the cats wouldn't have to make the trip.  They like being in SA, even if they don't like the three hour ride to get there.
• See what I can do with writing.  For now, I can't claim to be anything more than a writing hobbyist, which is why I can't justify the expense of the Product Launch thing from Jeff Walker.  I can see it would work well for launching self-pubbed books, though and I'm watching the process with interest.  
• See if any of my SA Twitter peeps will take me up on my offer to meet on Saturday.

New Season

Wow, what a week. Drama upon drama. Best to get it over with quickly, right?


- I remembered to buy and mail my Grandma's birthday card a week early. She'll be 96 on Friday.
- Eric and I spent last night in Indianapolis at the My Book Therapy pizza party at ACFW. It was good to see friends and hang out with writers for the evening, but going just for the pizza party was not the best idea. Everyone has been at conference for a few days and they've got their own agendas, so my surprise presence didn't fit in as well as I'd hoped. I did have Eric there in his kilt, though! If I hadn't paid for it in advance, we would have stayed home.
- I thanked Chip MacGregor for not taking on King Or Country last year, which I'm sure he found strange. I told him it will be a better book after the rewrite and that he'll likely be seeing it again.
- I got a fair amount of work done around the house.
- It was a good writing week--7,550 words. I didn't make my daily goal on Thursday, but Tuesday was a great day (at least until Eric got home), so that gave me a cushion.
- Eric isn't driving me crazy yet. He's got some good leads for jobs and, not surprisingly, there are a couple more in Chicago. We're starting to think we're supposed to be there for a while, but we'll see how things shake out. In the meantime, we have money saved and he's applied for unemployment, so while we're suddenly back in 'watching every dime' mode, we're not going to be homeless or starving anytime soon.
- It looks like I'll be leaving again early Tuesday morning for MI. I'm going to have to detour through Macomb, IL because Alex wants to go to Uncle Carl's funeral. It's going to be a long day, but they'll be happy to see him. Eric has school, so it will just be the two of us. I should be hearing from my mom this afternoon about firm plans, but as of last night, they were planning on Wednesday for the funeral. I'm praying that Aunt Shirley's knee has rehabbed enough that she'll be able to make it. She and my step-dad are as close, and I think it will be easier for both of them to face it together.
- I just realized that, depending on how long I'm needed at Mom's, I might be able to actually see Grandma on her birthday. That would be nice!

So that's about it from here. I'll probably be updating Facebook next week, but I'm not sure if I'll be here next weekend. Try to behave, will ya?

Continuation of the crazy

It's been nuts.

Babysitting my granddaughter a lot since Laura is working more hours than she'd expected. It's great, but exhausting. Bill pulled his back out last week. The chiropractor helped some, but it stiffened up really, really bad over the weekend so we're gonna try seeing a massage therapist. Hopefully she can give him some relief. My mother's going in for a procedure on Friday (looks like I'm driving) so I need to find a babysitter for Little Miss so I can help mom. I am apparently running for city council again whether I really want to or not since we have only two people running for three open seats. Um, yay? Book stuff is great (SPORE's off to publishers today, I guess) and I'm struggling to nail down a plot for a youngish non-spec thriller to follow Morgan, but that's all good. I've been sewing when I can (fwiw, I have Jean and Wendy's quilts well in hand but, Stephen, I need to know what colors you like!!) and have found that little (as in about 24" square or less) sort of artsy quilts are really suiting both my need to quilt and my lack of real time.

My weight is UP - about 7 lbs!! AAACK!! - mostly from the constant stress and running around, but I talked with my Leader after last week's meeting and she suggested some tweaks to my diet (more protein, less fruit). Doing that, but the scale isn't moving yet. I am so, so bloated with water retention and I haven't even had much salt at all! Still exercising most every night (3 mile super fat burning walk with Leslie Sansone) and am registered for the local 5k at the end of this month. My writing class - should it even happen - starts Thursday and I am not prepared at all, but I will be.

Bill to massage therapy in about 20 min, then lunch, then housework, then clean, laundry, and catch up on online stuff (I am so, so far behind!!) then cook supper (all while babysitting) then city council then exercise then - maybe - a chance to write.

Thank you all for being so patient with me. {{{hugs}}

Here I am

Been away from Createslate dealing with health problems. I'm hoping I will start getting answers this week. It will be quite depressing if the tests continue.

I've felt better yesterday and today. Better than I've had since this started. Maybe this means they're getting the meds right. I hope so.

Yes, full of hope here. Don't know why. The medical bills are crushing. I've told three business offices that I will make payments. One of them was fine with it. The other two are quite ... demeaning. But I don't have any more money than I told them I did so they will have to be satisfied. Or not. Can't get blood from a stone. They can threaten all they want. I will pay them, but it's going to take a couple of years.

And I don't have any answers yet as to why my blood pressure soared and my pulse went haywire and my heart skipped a few beats. But the meds are bringing down the BP and pulse; not as much as we want yet, but at least it's moving in the right way.

I haven't been doing much. Mostly just sleeping. Been exhausted -- they say the erratic pulse causes that with the side effects of the meds -- but as I said, I've been regaining my energy.

Tuesday, we have a book signing for my local writers group. The group is having to do most of it themselves because I simply can't. I hope they come through. Have made my mind up to not worry about it. Either they do or they don't, but it's not my burden.

Anyway, here I am. Still tired. Debt over my eyebrows. No answers. But hopeful. So very hopeful.

Money, Money, Money

I felt the generational financial squeeze this week.  Everybody needed a little help on the outgoing end and on the incoming end, I won at bingo.  It didn't offset the outflow, but it helped me feel confident we're doing or did the right thing.

The Good Stuff:

• I'm redoing my Sweet Spot Map (Lesson 2 in How To Think Sideways) in preparation for NaNo
• I did a little decluttering (not nearly enough, but a little was better than none)
• After the mild griping last week, after hearing Mr. L move a few things around in the den upstairs and after he left to go to the shop, I went upstairs, noted the cleaned out space where he wanted one of my bookshelves moved to, and I moved the bookshelf to its new location. In the process of moving the contents, I found a few things to throw away, a few things to move to another location, and put most things back on the shelf in a slightly different arrangement.  I did not do what Mr. L suggested I do (make everything uniform and labeled), but I did clear out some stuff that wasn't needed anymore.  I didn't feel too bad in the process of doing it, either.
• I've felt more like wearing my shirts tucked in this week.  I'm not sure why.  I'm not any lighter than I was.  I'm not any leaner than I was.  I have only been recording my "healthy"-type foods in the Lose-It! app.  I'm not sure if it's good or not, but it doesn't seem to be bad.
• One troubling family concern was addressed when my sister-in-law gave an update on some family status this week, and it turns out all is well. (I can provide more detailed information off-line about family issues if you'd like to know, but I don't think it's wise to discuss on a public forum.)
• Mr L is gearing up for the annual trek to PA.

The Not So Good Stuff:

• I don't know if this is not so good or not, but I don't have any good news on my sister's employment status yet.
• I didn't make any progress on PBOTL this week
• The next month or two will be travel-taxing.  Lots of time on the road -- visit the kids, to SA to work on stuff down there, the annual trek to PA, and, when we get back, a long trek to SA.  It's a mixed bag on what I'm looking forward to and what I'm not.

The Week Ahead:

• Mr L wants to work at the ranch at least one day this week.  We'll see if that materializes
• Continue work on How To Think Sideways and NaNo Prep
• Resume work on PBOTL
• Weekend in Dallas
• Make a little decluttering progress
• Continue efforts to eat more fresh fruit and see if I can find more ways to snack on veggies.

No news is good news

- My uncle is heading for hospice this week, so I'm on call and hoping I'll be able to break out the little black dress next weekend and not the funeral black dress. My #1 concern is that he thinks claiming Catholicism is enough to get him into heaven. My prayer has become for a bible-preaching priest to visit him and give him the low-down, and that my step-dad will be there to hear it, too.
- Still nothing from Chicago. If they wait a little longer, Eric can finish his semester. He's only got one more after this one.
- We spent most of the weekend in Buffalo, MO (aka Hicksville) at the Celtic Festival. Not sure we'll be going back to that one. It's an easy drive, but it's still 3 1/2 hours, and the guy in charge for our clan appeared to have plenty of help. We spent yesterday sitting in the shade and visiting, and I did the apprentice thing. We originally planned to stay last night, but since there wasn't much for us to do, we decided we'd drive home last night. Ssh, we're playing hooky today. Don't tell anyone we're back. :-)
- I gave Jeff the draft for King Or Country and he had some really good suggestions for the rewrite. Some of my plot isn't plausible based on the Scottish culture, but we figured out a solution. It's good to have a resident Historian.
-  The To Do list needs to make a come-back. I haven't used one lately, and things are starting to fall through the cracks. It will also help me with these posts.
- Morning cardio seems to be helping me cut back further on my caffeine intake. It's not unusual to be getting around to my first cup at 10 or 11 in the morning. I stretched it to noon one day last week. Conversely, on the days I don't exercise, I need more caffeine to get moving. It would have been nice to know that a few years ago.
- Vicky got a job at a pizza joint, so she's going to be a busy girl. She's in class two days a week, working three full days at the hospital (unpaid clinicals), and squeezing in as many hours as she can working. I might have to bribe her with dinner to see her! The bonus is that the pizzeria is in a better neighborhood than she lives in, so I won't worry quite so much about her making deliveries. I'm hoping she won't have to do so many of those once they figure out she can cook!

I think that's about it from here. It rained all morning so I guess mowing the lawn is out. Darn. What's going on with you guys?

Down time

It's been a pretty quiet weekend around the homestead.

Good Stuff:
- I got to spend a few hours with my bard, talking History, current events, future Games (he's the MO commissioner for Clan Campbell, and Eric is the IL commissioner so we reciprocate) and favorite books.
- We've had an author approach another Games board member about doing a book signing at the Games. He's written an Arthurian trilogy, and the first book is out. He also wants to do some speaking, which falls under my jurisdiction. The bottom line is the History tent will be a lot busier this year.
- I went through my wardrobe and pulled out three trash bags of clothes. I also went through cookbooks and most of them are going.
- Vicky came by yesterday to collect the cookbooks she wanted and saw my bags of clothes on the landing, so she went through those, too, and took a good half of what I was getting rid of. She texted today and said everything she's tried on so far fits, which puzzles me because she's tiny. Now granted, some of what she took I haven't been able to get over my hips for a while, but it makes me wonder if I held onto them longer than I should have or if I gained the weight faster than I realized. In any case, I've added to her wardrobe, and she needed clothes, so it's all good.
- I cut my fabric stash down to two tubs and a small drawer. Part of it will go to a client of my chiropractor, and I'm mailing some to a friend who does sewing for SCA people.
- We had a little rain yesterday and today. It's been really hot the last two weeks, but at least my tomatoes are happier. It should be cooler for the next few days.

- Writing was good last week. Not as good as the week before, but still a whole lot better than it's been this year. I can still make my word count goal (150,000 words for the year) if I stay focused. The thing is, I need another 84,000 words to make my goal, and my current project will need, oh, I dunno, maybe 30k. I'm thinking of retrofitting something I worked on several years ago and making it historical, probably close to the current time frame.
- I signed up for yet another workshop. This one's in Minneapolis in October and will cover story basics and plotting. I hope it will have the pieces of the puzzle I'm missing. In a perfect world, everything will snap into place and I'll become a writing machine! Too bad the world's not perfect, eh?
- Uncle Carl is finally home from the hospital for a while. He'll have to go back for future treatments, but I'm not sure when that will be. He was in the best part of three weeks this last time. They had a hard time getting him stabilized.

Not So Good Stuff:
- Still nothing significant from Chicago. The head hunter says Eric is at the top of the short list, but she's not sure if it's part of their strategy to go slow and only hire those who hang in there with the process, or if it's the first time they're hiring and are unsure of what they're doing. I'm rather getting used to living in limbo again, and while the prospect is no less daunting, I'm doing a lot better about keeping it quiet. You guys know, and the Boys, our kids and a couple of Eric's coworkers. We haven't told our parents yet, and we won't until we know something for sure.
- I've been running three days a week, walking at least five days, and logging all my food. I've had calorie deficits almost every day, but my weight isn't budging. I've been frustrated the last several days. Interestingly, it's been during the heat when I can't wear my jeans. I have shorts that are more or less the right size, but they're not as comfortable. Maybe the cooler weather will motivate me again, but right now I'm about ready to ditch what's left of my wardrobe and start over. The only thing stopping me, apart from the cost, is it's not going to fix anything. Either I'll bust my tail and stay where I am, or I'll get lazy and go up again. I'm reading Chris Powell's new book, but if his techniques don't work, I don't know what I'll do next. Gain weight, I guess.

This Week:
- We'll be in Buffalo, MO for their Celtic Festival next weekend. The great part is I only have to pack clothes and a cooler. Jeff will have everything else because that's his territory. :-)
- Write.
- Press on with the exercise and eating right, even though, well, you guys know.
- Finish at least one of the three books I'm currently reading.
- Usual household stuff.
- Finish last minute STL Games scheduling and get it to the right people for the program.

She'll Be Comin' Around the Mountain When She Comes

I can't think of any significance for that song for this week's post, but I always liked it when I was a kid.  Do kids still sing that song anymore?  Does anyone?

The Good Stuff:

• It's the first of the month and GI News is on my feed to read.  Have you guys heard about this source of information geared but not limited to Glycemic Index foods?  I think it's based in Australia (because the GI ratings haven't hit the fad level here in the States).  On the first of the month, the post a plethora of articles and recipes and other news of interest regarding health for people interested in keeping their diet low on the glycemic index table.  I don't study it as much as I should, but I subscribe to the feed.  This month has some interesting articles.
• I hauled a bag of clementines with me to San Antonio and didn't eat them down there either, but I decided for the trip back that I would peel them the night before and store them in a zip lock bag.  Then, while I was driving, I would snack on them instead of stopping at Panera and loading up on bagels and coffee before the drive.  This worked well.  (I think clementines may work as a diuretic, though.)
• The grass was crispy when I got to San Antonio but green and happy when I left.
• Rossie was out more with Mr L when Lady wasn't here, and Ruby was much more approachable in San Antonio (even sleeping with Natasha for a lot of the time).
• My dad says his recovery from his hip replacement is going so well, his back doesn't hurt as much as it used to (we suspect because the hip isn't throwing everything out of alignment -- I'm pretty sure he still needs the back surgery, but maybe not as soon).
• If you have a lot of cats and the price of Revolution flea/tick/mite control is way out of reach, my veterinarian (without me asking) suggested I get the big dog dose and pull it out in a syringe and apply it to the back of their neck (use the needle to open the dose, then draw the 4ml out into the syringe, separate the syringe from the needle, press the blunt end of the syringe to the back of the neck, and apply).  For us, one month of big dog dose will dose 8 cats ($15 vice $75 for equivalent cat dosage).  I buy a box of cat and a box of big dog (because Sneaky needs hers too), and they give me two free with each box, so that's good for eight months.  The vet throws in the syringes for me.  The upside is the cats seem to be less bothered by the syringe administration (no air noise like the individual vials).  If you have fewer cats, calculate the right size dog medicine for the number of cats you have, because you don't want to leave the vial open from month to month (at least, I don't).
• I got the filters changed.
• The Equipment Depot checked out the lift and found nothing wrong, but they did suggest a couple of "best practices" to prolong battery life.
• I made a little progress on PBOTL.  The goal was to finish Lesson 17 in How To Revise Your Novel by the end of August, and I did not do that.

The Not So Good Stuff:

• The bed we have in San Antonio does a number on my back.  This morning, even though I'm back on my Sleep Number, my lower back and right hip sent a sharp pain coursing through my body, and it's been complaining a little ever since.  I'll get this figured out yet, but as y'all know, it's no fun.
• Not surprisingly, getting up at 3 am every day to turn on soaker hoses disrupts sleep patterns.  That was very evident on the graph posted to my fitbit dashboard.  Disrupted sleep patterns seem to lead to pain and inflammation in the body.  So maybe I shouldn't be blaming my bed in San Antonio but the getting up at 3 am?
• Books-A-Million in San Antonio only had three of the bargain journals I wanted.  I bought them all.  If I want any more, I'll have to order them online.
• I got what I needed done at the Social Security Administration offices to activate my on line account.

 The Week Ahead:

• Please pray for my sister to get good news on a job she interviewed for (or even good news from an unexpected direction).  She's been out of work since the end of April and is anxious to get back in the saddle (as her severance pay is running out).  She's been thankful for being able to spend time with her family and mom and dad this summer, but she's ready to be back in the employment pool again.  And, frankly, she needs it--even more than she needed this break.
• Find a way to see my husband's efforts at decluttering as just that and not efforts to eradicate all signs that I live here.
• Accomplish some decluttering as well this week.
• Work on PBOTL
• Begin planning for NaNoWriMo (This is the last year I plan to participate -- it will be ten consecutive years this year, and I think it's served it's purpose for me.  Maybe I'll change my mind next year, but for now, that's what I'm thinking.)

The River and the Highway

I don't know what that means.  They're both highways of sorts.  Not in a mood much to interact with the world, but, to a certain extent, I must.  Nothing is wrong, but there's an undercurrent flowing right now that just doesn't feel comfortable.  Despite that downer sounding opening, it's been a pretty good week.

The Good Stuff:

• I seem to have isolated the noise problem on my recumbent bike to the right pedal crank.  It was self-loosening.  I added a star washer and tightened it down.  So far, so good, and it's nice to be riding again.
• We went to Waco to run errands on Thursday, and Mr. L got new batteries for his man lift, and I got a Fitbit One.  I've been using an Omron pedometer for years, and it works marvelously.  Every six months or so, I replace the CR2032 battery, and it continues to count steps like clockwork.  But I'm kind of geeky, and since I've been using Lose It!, they have a capability to link with techie things.  I wanted a way to get my steps recorded automatically, and Fitbit is one of those things that will sync with Lose It!.
• One of the other things I noticed in the article about experimenting one's way to weight loss was the sleep monitoring app. I didn't want to use the app he recommended in the article, but it did prompt me to consider such a thing. (Experimenting my way to weight loss?  Maybe!)  Fitbit, if worn on your wrist while you sleep and activated (press it's button until the stopwatch function kicks in) will track how long it takes you to go to sleep, when you're restless, and when you wake up at night.  And the really cool thing?  It seems to do a good job of doing just that.  I can check the chart it's already uploaded in the morning and find out how much time I was trying to sleep (when I activated and deactivated the timer) with how much actual sleep I got and when it was.  Kind of an added bonus to the pedometer function.  Another nifty feature is it tracks when I walk up stairs.  It seems to count my back steps into the house as a flight of stairs (about six steps), but that's also kind of cool.  It's a hundred dollar "toy" but it's a pretty cool one.   
• Mooch is back to hanging around the house a little bit.  I still don't know where he goes when he's not here.
• I brought the furnace filters downstairs in preparation for changing them.
• We went to a sort of local swap meet this morning (Giddings, TX), and we're leaning strongly to setting up there next year to try to re-home some car parts and stuff.

Not So Good Stuff:

• I didn't change the filters yet
• When Mr. L installed his new batteries and when to complete the circuit, he gets a spark, and he doesn't think that's supposed to happen.  So, much to his chagrin, he still needs to drag the machine out and take it in to Equipment Depot for them to inspect it.  To make matters worse, we suspect this problem may have been there when we bought it, because it never performed the way we expected it should, implying something was wrong in the circuitry.  I just hope it's not outrageously expensive to repair.
• Some family challenges that I have been anticipating came up this week, and we're working them out. Nothing terrible, just not appropriate for a public forum.  Only mentioning it, because it is probably contributing to my feelings of discomfort mentioned above.  Pretty sure everything will work out just fine.  One of those things.
• No progress on PBOTL this week.
• The joint at the base of my left thumb is driving me bonkers. It "catches" on a regular basis, which means I get the equivalent of an electric shock in the joint every time I get it moving again.  It's apparently partially attributable to carpal tunnel syndrome and arthritis.  I have the beginnings of it in my right hand, but my left hand is my dominant hand, so I see it there first.

 The Week Ahead:

• Take four cats and head to San Antonio on Tuesday to carry out watering and various other sundry chores.  Return to Central TX on Saturday. (This plan leaves Mr. L with Rossie and three others in an attempt to continue to draw Rossie out of her reclusiveness.)  Ruby is also more outgoing with me down there, so I'll work with her.
• Go to Books-A-Million in San Antonio (the one in Waco closed!) -- I need more of the cheapie cloth bound little notebooks that they carry.  The ones at Barnes and Noble are $15.95, and the similar things without the name brand are $5.95 at BAM.  I still have several, but I need to stock up on some colors.
• Go to Social Security Administration office in SA and make sure they have correct address and contact info for me.
• Dare I say it?  Work on PBOTL.
• Oh, yes.  Actually change the furnace filters.

Hot Insanity Prep

This weekend is the big international festival in St. Louis. We're setting up the clan tent so we can sweat and get others interested in Celtic stuff. We were supposed to set up tonight, so we drove into the city only to discover that the guy in charge not only isn't going to show up until early tomorrow morning, the plan he put together won't work in the space. He's in very hot water right now. Oh, and he's the Membership Chair for the Scottish Society That Talks A Big Game. Frankly, I'm surprised it's happening at all. I might try to talk Eric into boycotting on Sunday.

Good Stuff:
- I wrote over 10k words this week with one tiny scheduling adjustment and a slightly larger attitude adjustment. I wrote about the attitude on my blog last week, so you've probably seen that already. The scheduling was just cutting the internet out between my bible reading and writing. I hope the trend continues.
- I ran four days this week and discovered adding an extra day doesn't do much for my stamina. Later runs were pretty slow and not as far.
- Story telling went well. I've set up a standing monthly appointment at that retirement home. Some of the ladies remembered me from the last time.
- Alex has made new friends at school. The one he talks about the most is Igor from Ukraine. He's in a lab with all foreign students, which makes me laugh. His school is in rural Illinois, and he's the only American in the lab.
- Got the lawn mowed this morning before it got hot. Woohoo!

Not So Good Stuff:
- STILL nothing from Chicago, but the people in Richmond contacted him again. No, I don't want to move to Richmond, but I will if I have to. It's further from everyone I love. Except Eric, of course. There's another opportunity in St Louis, too, but the ideal is for him to stay where he is if the funding is approved, at least as far as I'm concerned.
- Eric's new semester started. Only two semesters left and then we can be done with grad school forever. Except for Alex's, but we're not directly involved in that.
- The low battery light on the cat feeder came on. It takes 3 D batteries. We have 1. Not only that, but the battery compartment is on the bottom of the feeder. What kind of genius decided that was the right place?
- The cool weather we've been enjoying has gone. Summer is back. At least my tomatoes should be happier.

So I can't say I'm eagerly anticipating this weekend, but win, lose, or draw, I'll probably blog about it on Monday. Hopefully I'll remember to take some pictures. As long as I don't get in the way of the caber toss, it's all good.

On the downside of summer

First off, I'm doing GOBS better, mentally. My doc took me off the progestin and whoa, what an improvement to my mood! I've actually been almost manic ever since. I have a dip every now and then, but I bounce back fairly quickly. Yay for that! Weight loss is stalled tho, mostly because I'm still HONGRY. I am, however, holding more-or-less steady, so I'm trying not to worry about it. Much.

Good golly, I'm hungry, tho.

Laura is working 20+ hours a week, so by the time we add in travel time, I have Little Miss 5+ hours a day, during the day. Since she is very, very BUSY (many comparisons to energetic monkeys come to mind) and I can't turn my back on her for a few moments or else the room/house will be trashed, I'm not getting much of anything done during the day. Plus I have to start babysitting in the morning, so I can't stay up too late (and I'm a night owl) so I'm really not getting enough sleep. It's been challenging cramming housework/sewing/writing/relaxation/etc into a short period of time, but I'm managing. I've been too spoiled being a stay-at-home-mom/screw-off for too long. I dunno how people who work full time get anything accomplished without falling to utter exhaustion.

Been trying to do a smallish artsy quilt a week, ish, and that's working out well, especially since I sew a lot while Little Miss is having visitation w/ her dad. I'd really like a book to work on, but other than a Lars short/novella and the next Dubric book, I'm kinda stuck. I want to do something different. Not sure what, but something.

You all probably heard my good news from last week. The three Dubric novels have sold to a German publisher. Still awaiting final contracts, but it's all supposedly good to go and all parties have agreed. The sale will also pay off the remaining advance for Threads and Valley. YAY!! Very exciting stuff!!

Down to two agents and an editor with the full SPORE manuscript, and quite a few still have partials, plus one partial for Morgan. I've paused querying until the two agents respond. They've both had the book quite a while so I'm very, very hopeful one will want it or one of the agents with partials will want more, or now that the Dubric books are in the black my old publisher might want SPORE. Everyone has been amazingly nice and complimentary, which is a relief.

We had our annual Fireman's Ball here in town this past weekend and I spent the day selling motorcycle 'fun run' tickets and t-shirts. Was pretty fun. Met lots of locals and it's kinda cool that people recognize me and come up and talk to me. I'm up for reelection to city council this November and I've been hemming and hawing whether to run or not (there is quite a lot of BS and arguing involved which frustrates me), but, today at least, I will run. Quite a few people made a point to tell me they're thrilled I'm on the council because I'm *nice* and I listen to *them* instead of pushing my agenda and because I'm working for the whole town and not just my handful of friends or personal preferences. This kinda perplexes me at times because isn't that what representatives are supposed to do?!? Anyway, I need to gather at least 10 signatures to run again and I really don't think that'll be a problem at all.

I don't like the arguing, tho, and I fear a big argument will be coming next meeting because I'm gonna strongly disagree w/ a proposed set of surveillance cameras. I've already warned the Mayor. lol

I think that's about it. I hope you all are having a good week, getting stuff accomplished, and finding joy in your life.  {{Hugs}}

[Insert Song Title Here]

I made it more than half way through the year before drawing a blank on a title.  Better than I expected.  (Who knew the sideways carets would blank out my "blank" title?  I should have.)

The Good Stuff:

• We got the lawn mower repaired for $15.  Not bad.
• I got the lawn mowed
• We got rain 
• I did a beta read on a book for a complete stranger.  I'll be sending out the critique tomorrow (after I've had a chance to review it to make sure I'm not too harsh anywhere but still getting the point across)
• I rode the recumbent bike and got it fully reassembled.  I believe the problem is a bolt on the right hand pedal crank that self-loosens.  I have some Loc-Tite around here somewhere.  I'll find it and apply it to the threads of the bolt and re-secure it.
• I've been eating more fresh fruit

The Not So Good Stuff:

• No work on PBOTL this week.
• Productivity is in the tank for most everything (except riding the lawn mower)
• I think I have a continuous hot flash going on.  Is that possible?
• You've seen the hammer throw in the Olympics?  I think the cats are practicing for it with their water tower.  In fact, tonight I (jokingly) accused Mr L of kicking it over in the morning just so I'd have to mop up a half gallon or more of water when I come downstairs.

The Week Ahead:

• Find Loc-Tite and get the recumbent bike pedal mended
• Work on PBOTL
• Get the downstairs furnace filters changed out
• Replace burned out light bulbs (I think there are two or three to take care of)
• Get the menu planned and grocery lists created.

Still In Limbo

Dispensing with the Good Stuff/Not So Good Stuff today. Most of it feels really ambivalent.

- No news yet on the job in Chicago. The interview went well. He got follow-up e-mails from the head hunters telling him he made the cut, but apparently they're not moving very fast. Then again, they are a veteran-owned company. Jean knows what can happen to people who are steeped in bureaucracy their entire careers. Or maybe they're just super busy and trying to stay afloat while they hire new crew. Who knows?
- I didn't make the cut for the seasonal job. Given my schedule in September, I'd have made the same decision. I can't really say I'm heartbroken to have another Christmas not working retail.
- I got Alex to go through the books he has had since he was a kid, and he identified some others he wants when Eric is done with them. When I got Eric upstairs to approve Alex's selections, I also got him to go through all the hard cover books and between us, we got rid of 4 big bags of books. I also went through my shoes and purged all the sneakers I don't wear anymore, all the shoes I bought for work, and the ones I haven't worn since last year because they were buried and I forgot about them.
- I need to focus on my closet for purging. Tammy, any thoughts on what to do with the tubs of fabric I have stashed? It's not like there's anything particularly good. The best pieces came off the discount table at Walmart, so my quilting friends will not be interested I don't think, but I hate for it to end up in a landfill.
- There's a new restaurant supply shop not far from the mall. They sell in bulk and the prices are reasonable, so we can ditch Sam's. They even have stores in Chicagoland. :-/
- Running is getting a little easier. I got through all of my run intervals on Friday, even the long ones. Not that it's anything to write home about--I ran 3 minutes without stopping and was surprised when it ended because I thought for sure I had another half minute or so. Small victories, right? Yeah...
- Story telling at the nursing home went well. I have one at the other nursing home this week. Really need to spread them out a little.
- Alex went back to school with trepidation. Fall semester has always been harder for him than spring.

This Week:
- Vicky is coming by tomorrow to pick what she wants from the latest Grandma stash. I need to get her to go through the books in her room.
- Usual household stuff.
- Write.
- Purge.
- Exercise.
- Take whatever is left from the Grandma stash to Good Will.
- Holy cow, Festival of Nations is next weekend, not the one after. Let Games Season, Part II begin.

Digestion or Indigestion?

I'm "digesting" this Lifehacker post about Experimenting My Way to Losing 100 Pounds.  I've read the article and opened all the links contained in it and saved them to a Too Many Tabs row.  Stephen, I know you've read a lot of books on this subject.  Have you read any of the ones he lists, and, if so, do you recommend them?  (If anyone else has read any of them, feel free to chime in.)

One thing I'm contemplating doing is ONLY recording the good stuff I eat.  Things that I think will work well for fueling my body.  Why is this?  Well, recording everything isn't working for one.  For another, it may be a challenge to make recording my food diary a positive experience.  Also, if I don't want to record it, maybe I'll ask myself why I'm eating it.  Will that perhaps result in more reflective eating?  Eating for fuel and health vice out of despair?  I dunno.  Then, of course, there's the challenge of (hopefully) watching me increase my intake of good, healthful food.

I'm seeing a mixed message in the article about gluten-free, but I think that message is more for the bandwagon gluten-free foods vice naturally occurring gluten-free foods.  As with fat-free and sugar-free, gluten-free makes up for it with other things not necessarily healthful.  The other message is, unless you have celiac disease, gluten-free isn't necessarily beneficial, and, if not done right, can actually be harmful.  I have an aunt who has chosen to be gluten-free, and it works well for her (she had problems that gluten-free has alleviated).   

His five recommendations in the article were:

• Drink water (or black coffee -- just not frappacinos, etc)
• Eat high protein
• Eat vegetables (fresh ones, I'm sure he means)
• Stay away from sugar
• Stay away from wheat/gluten.

The second and third will help with the fourth and fifth, I think.  Tammy, you mentioned stumbles and getting back up again.  Definitely, that is the way to go.  I'm still trying to figure out how to mesh something like this with a non-supportive spouse.  He's supportive, but only to the point where it doesn't impact him.  I guess the way to do that is, when necessary, cook two dinners.  Then I still have to figure out my part of the deal for me.  I'm still thinking.

Unlike the author who mentions he'd eaten without thought of what he was doing for most of his life, I've spent most of my adult life being "educated" by the military on what their view (the government view) is of healthful eating -- a large part of that was the low fat bandwagon.  That and the food pyramid that apparently one of the authors referenced in the article debunks.

To revisit the wheat and gluten issue, one person has mentioned the "Frankenwheat" discussion of genetically engineered wheat.  Sadly, that appears to be becoming a greater portion of the food selection available to us.  So frustrating.

Rain on the Scarecrow

But none on our yards.  It's been a marginally productive week. 

The Good Stuff:

• We got a good watering on the yard in San Antonio.  I doubt it will last for three weeks until I head back down there at the end of the month, but it was the best we could do.
• Mr. L got pickets painted and a frame assembled for a new gate on the inner side yard.
• I got some work done on Polar Bear on the Loose
• Mr. L had a rehearsal and recording session for the New Braunfels Village Brass band.  I think the CD is going to sound good. 
• Sneaky is doing fine.  So are the other kiddos.

The Not So Good Stuff:

• I had some uncomfortable back spasms last night.  I slept on a contoured pillow last night, and that seemed to help.
• We didn't get several things we'd both agreed needed to get done done while we were down there.  Mr. L is strongly avoiding trips under the house.  I don't blame him, but it has to get done.  If he won't call in a plumber to do the job, he's going to have to go under there and do it. (This is still the tub drain repair, and it's been almost a year that he's been working on it.  Not being able to shower down there is getting really old.) Having someone else do it is not open for discussion.  Sigh.  There are disadvantages to marrying a stubborn man.
  

 The Week Ahead:

• More work on PBOTL
• Yard work
• Resume recumbent bike riding as well as begin reassembly of the shroud (assuming no problem can be found for the mysterious noise).
• Continue doing the stretching exercises for my hip and lower back.  I'd stopped doing them for several months, and that was a mistake.
• Add stretching exercises for my ankles and wrists. (If you have an iPad2 or newer, iMuscle2 is a wonderful app.  It's intended for physical therapists, but it really shows your muscle layout as well as weight training and stretching exercises you can do for each one.  You can customize a workout program as well.)

Befuddled

As usual, I'm trying to figure out where to start.

Good Stuff:
- Ran twice. Couch To 5K seems to be the way to go for me. You jog a little and walk a little, and it gradually increases the run time. I'm running almost a mile now, just not all at once. Next week the runs will be longer.
- Got my eyes checked. They're the same as last year.
- After my eye appointment, I went across the street to the gift shop I applied to before I left for Mom's to follow up on my application. Eric said they didn't call, and it's a good thing I stopped in because she had tried to call. She had a few minutes and so did I, so we did an impromptu interview. It's the first time I've interviewed for a job in jeans and flip flops, but it went pretty well. We know each other superficially because I shop there sometimes. This isn't anything to get excited about, just a holiday gig, but it will get me a little pocket money and an employee discount.
- Got some story work done, more writing than telling. Not enough as far as I'm concerned, but a little is better than nothing.
- Froze the corn Mom sent home with me. In case you're wondering, 1 ear of corn is roughly 1/2 cup. It was the easiest preservation process I've come across yet.

Not So Good Stuff:
- I have to tell stories Wednesday and I don't know yet which ones to tell. This was sort of the point of setting up regular tellings--to force me to learn stories more quickly. It was better in theory than in practice.
- I've been behind the 8 ball all week. Laundry has piled up, dishes have gotten out of control, and I only have a couple more weeks before all hell breaks loose again. Every Saturday and most of the Sundays in September are booked. Yep, the worst of the heat should be done and it's almost Scottish Games season again.
- My concentration is shot. Sleep isn't helping, and neither is caffeine. And I have stories to learn! And another one to write! Aah!

This Week:
- Laundry and house work.
- Tell stories and hope, if I have to recycle one or two, that they've forgotten I told them already.
- Run.
- Write.

Yeah, I think that's it.

home. tired.

Last week was busy, busy, busy. We were up and out of the house by 8:30 every day.

- Tuesday I drove. Stopped in the Kalamazoo area to visit my grandma. She looks great, and at 96, she's sharp as a tack. Got to Mom's late--almost 10 p.m.
- Wednesday we went to have a foot detox. You put your feet in ionized salt water and it draws out toxins. It sounds bizarre, I know, but it did something because the water was gross when we were done. After that, we hit some of the new antique shops in my home town and I found some cool stuff for Vicky for Christmas.
- Thursday was the Family Cemetery Tour. We drove back over to the western side and put flowers on the graves of my grandparents, great grandparents, and several other great great relations. My aunt and uncle met us out there and we had lunch together, which was cool because I haven't seen them since Alex's graduation party. Also on Thursday, my step-dad took his twin brother to the Detroit VA for a lymph node biopsy, and when they did the preliminary blood work, they discovered that his white cell count and uric acid were sky high, which is the perfect storm for kidney failure. They cancelled the procedure and had my step-dad drive him to the VA in Ann Arbor, which has an inpatient oncology ward. Long story short, he'll be there a few more days and they're re-doing all the tests to make sure he does indeed have lymphoma and not something else. They've mapped out a new treatment plan that will include staying in the hospital a week at a time for chemo.
- Friday we went to Meadowbrook Hall and toured the house and gardens. I'd been decades ago, and it was much darker and smaller than I remembered. Compared to the "summer cottages" in Newport, it wasn't too impressive. After that we visited my mom's cousins who live nearby for a couple hours. They were great role models for me growing up and I like hanging out with them. They're one reason I wish I lived closer.
- Saturday we had a hand detox, which was the same as (but grosser than) the foot detox. Then we had lunch with an old friend from high school. My dad came to see me in the afternoon.
- Sunday was church with a potluck, after which mom volunteered us for clean-up. She's the Church Marine--first in, last out.
- Monday I hit the road again, same trip as the week before in reverse. Stopped to see Grandma. She cooked lunch for me. It was cool to walk into her apartment and have it smell like her house used to. Then came the long drive home. At least it didn't rain yesterday.

So that's what I've been up to. Needless to say, I haven't gotten much done today. At least I don't have story telling this week. I have one more week to prep for that. Alex is home, so I guess I'm going grocery shopping this afternoon. We "have nothing to eat," meaning no Ramen, normal pasta, or lunch meat. Poor kid.

Truckin'

Down in SA on mobile access. I'm back to working on PBOTL, and I hope to finish Lesson 17 in How To Revise Your Novel by the end of the month, so I have a good bit of "truckin'" to do.

Saw my eye doctor today. While my distance vision is incremental worse, she saw no need to change my lenses in the glasses I use primarily for reading and computer work. The Progressive lenses go to infinity at the top, so I can wear them all the time if I like (they have clip-on sunglasses lenses).

The Week Ahead:

• Continue work on PBOTL
• Get truck serviced
• Work around the house and yard
• Accompany Mr. L to his recording session on Saturday (even though I'll only be in the way of the band--I plan to stay as far out of the way as possible).

Happy New Year!

Today I went and walked at the gym for the first time in about nine months. I didn't see anyone I knew besides my insurance agent. The gym was mostly empty, although there were a lot of cars in the parking lot. But I didn't go into the basketball court or the swimming pool area, so maybe they were there.

I did okay. I've lost a lot of stamina, but I did walk a mile. I will be back there tomorrow. It's all part of my personal New Year resolutions. (It's my personal New Year because my birthday was yesterday.) Here are my resolutions for my personal new year.

1. Walk at the gym at least 200 times this year. Which, since I walked today, means I only have to walk 199 times more.
2. Take a photo each day.
3. Write 500 words each day.
4. Eat a salad and green veggie a day.

That's it. There are in addition to my regular chores and routines, but it doesn't sound like much. I mean, it sounds like I can do these things. So I'm going to try.

Here's my first photo. It's of an OSU sock monkey that a friend gave me for my birthday.

And here's the second photo. It's me at the end of this very long day.

Yes, I look tired. That's because I am. And I still have a couple hundred words to write before I can call it a night. That’s okay. I find writing – especially when I have no particular goal – to be relaxing. It’s like wandering around outside or browsing the shelves at the library. Just looking about and seeing what catches my interest. Sometimes a poem, sometimes a scene for book, whatever is interesting.

Too many times, I have forced myself to write. I have a deadline. Or I have a project. I need to make money. So I write because I must rather than because I want to. Writing needs to be fun for me. I don’t mind hard working fun or serious fun, but fun nonetheless. I’ve been thinking of writing as a chore, and it’s supposed to be enjoyable. So that’s what I’m working on with these writing rambles. Rediscovering my joy of the written word. Learning how to soar again instead of trudging on the ground. You can get a lot of places by trudging – and no writing life will ever only be soaring – but the miles can be hard on your spirit. They wear you down. Eat away at your soul and your hope.

You would think that particular epiphany would be counter to my resolution of writing 500 words a day, but since it’s writing for me to enjoy – writing for the sake of writing as opposed to any other reason – it’s actually a commitment to joy. Besides, I’ve trudged too long to completely give it up.

So those are my Personal New Year Resolutions. I’ll share my progress with you as the year goes. I hope I keep them. Your support and encouragement will be appreciated.

Ashes & new fires

I'm walking away.

Leaving the black dogs behind in the blackened ashes of old schemes and failed ambitions.

Walking toward Jericho.

No, I'm not sure exactly what that means. Maybe nothing in the grand sweep of time. But maybe something more. Yeah, that's the mood I'm in.

It's not a bad mood. Not a dark mood. More of a reflective one.

My New Year starts Tuesday. My birthday. Another year of life. More failures. More adventures. More successes. More life.

What more could I ask from this world?

What more could I want?

I feel the breath of a changing wind. I feel the ghost of wings on my shoulders. I feel my world open up.

But what does that mean in practical terms?

Well, it means this: Creations 2013: 40 Ways to Look at Love has launched. And that anthology is my creation in many ways. I'm proud of how it looks. I'm proud of my short stories -- two of which are romances! And I'm proud of my poems. I've started to make a little money from it as I've sold the copies I purchased. Not much money, but that little bit of income seemed to open me up a bit. Suddenly it seemed like I could make money from writing. I could complete a project and have people enjoy it. I made my first sale, and I held that little bit of money, and I felt something ... loosen in me. Weird, eh?

And it means Murder by the Mile will be finished this year. Probably by the end of September. I had hoped I would have it done by my birthday, but that's not going to happen. But finally ... finally I believe ... I know I can finish the book. And I can finish it this year.

Undying: Poems of Fantasy and Science Fiction might even be finished this year. Poems have started to present themselves to me at odd times. I had a great time working with Wendy on "Highlands" and might even have convinced her that poetry can be fun. Or at least presented that possibility to her.

This week, I will work on:
- Murder by the Mile.
- Undying.
- Household chores.
- Publicity for Creations 2013.
- And so on.

Oh, yeah, there's a birthday in there, too. Happy New Year!

gearing back up

The 'boring,' such as it was, ends tomorrow. Not much of note has been going on this week.

Good Stuff:
- The lovely weather has continued. It's made running so much easier.
- I'm getting stuff ready to head north. I talked to my mom yesterday, and she does not have every day planned. Only half of them. ;-) That's my mom.
- I'm going to stop on the way to see my grandma. She'll be 97 next month and her biggest complaint is arthritis. She's on her third pacemaker. Just goes to show German stubbornness goes a long way!
- Vicky's car is fixed. There were a few other fiddly bits that needed to be fixed--safety issues like bare wiring and a broken motor mount. It was expensive, but not as expensive as a new car. Or even a used car. She should be able to get several more years out of it with the new engine.
- We were out and about yesterday and went a little crazy. We bought a toaster oven. I know--somebody stop me. The best part was the marked price we $54.99. When we got to the check-out, it was $29.99. I'm thinking about going back to get them for the kids for Christmas.
- Got my hair cut. It's off my neck again, so I'm ready for the return of hot weather.
- Two of my friends became grandparents this week. One lives in Colorado, though, so I'm pretty sure it's not something in the water. At least I hope it's not.
- The second story telling went well, although I got yelled at by someone in another room because I was too loud. I laughed and took it down a notch. I have lived with hecklers most of my life. They don't faze me.
- We saw Red 2 the other day. It was pretty good, although it struck me a little as an homage to Quentin Tarentino. Overkill on the firepower, but it was entertaining. If you wait for it on Netflix you won't miss much.

Not So Good Stuff:
- I'm so scattered right now. It's like I just realized I'm leaving in 2 days, and all the things I have to do to get ready are cascading on me.
- I ordered some new running shoes from Zulily, and they aren't due to get here until 8/7. I didn't realize that the reason they offer things at a discount is because they take orders, and then buy in bulk, and after it gets to them, they ship to the customers. So, yeah, the price was great, but I would have liked to have taken them with me. First world problem.
- Even with the realization that I have to write scenes that aren't going to be in the book, word count was low. I'm hoping to figure out the rest of my middle this week. I'll take the iPad and some notecards with me, just in case I have a quiet hour on the deck. It could happen. Just have to put Mom down for a nap. :-)
- My Uncle Carl--the one with non-Hodgkins lymphoma--had some problems with his blood work last week. I don't know all the particulars, but it appears that he has cancer cells in at least some of his lymph nodes. He's having a biopsy Tuesday. Prayers for him and his twin brother, Carel (my step-dad), are appreciated.

This Week:
- Pack, drive, visit.
- Be nice to my brother.
- Get some exercise, even if it's weeding Mom's flower beds.

Have a good week, y'all. I'll be late next week.

Back to the Island

Yep.  We're back on our little island in Texas.  Land-locked, of course.

The Good Stuff:

• I got all the properties mowed this week.  I still have weed whacking and shrub trimming at the Central Texas house to do.  Everything else is done.  Whew!
•  Stephen and Holly both released anthologies this week, and I'm pleased to have been able to purchase both of them.
• We survived and enjoyed the Grant Tour 2013.  It went pretty well.  Mr L was the model husband at my class reunion.
• Easy slow cooker recipe:  Package of country pork ribs and your favorite BBQ sauce.  Mix well, cook on high for six hours.  Tender and tasty.  I roasted a couple of ears of corn to serve with it, but you can do whatever works for you.  Leftovers nuke up nicely.
• I pulled PBOTL out of the drawer before we left on vacation to make sure it was front and center when we got back.  I also committed to finishing Lesson 13 of HTRYN by August 31.  I began working on it last night.
• I was worried about Sneaky while we were gone.  While there was no sign of her in the afternoon when I got back to town, by 9 that night, she was at the parlor window begging for attention.  Mr L had suggested I turn the side porch light on for her.  I did.  No idea if it made a difference, but we're going to choose to believe it did.
• All the other kitties survived two weeks at the vet.  Natasha danced in excitement in her cage when I walked in the door (boarding cages are in a vestibule in the front of the clinic, so everyone gets to see the kitties when they come in).  Ajax began pacing in his cage.  Everyone else looked at me like I'd subjected them to the most horrible experience possible.  Natasha, Lady, and Tarzan have been at my side since I got home.  Everyone else has resumed normal activities.

The Not So Good Stuff:

• We got rain in Texas while we were gone, and a tenth of an inch last night here in Central Texas.  We need more.  San Antonio is planning to go to Stage 3 watering restrictions for the first time ever.  If San Antonio goes, Alamo Heights (where we really live in SA) will be right behind them.  Generally speaking, if we can get through July, the grass will do well the rest of the year, and I think we'll be okay, but the larger issue of water in South and Central Texas is a growing one.
• Mr L was greeted by a jury summons in the hold mail after we got home.  He was not thrilled.

The Week Ahead:

• Work steadily and regularly on PBOTL
• Finish catching up the yard work
• Make sure I get exercise and stretching (left ankle and right glute are giving me trouble)
• Stephen, I hope you have a wonderful birthday.
• Prepare to head to SA for a couple of weeks next weekend.

TIme keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping...

Somehow the weekend  got past me, although I did think about y'all yesterday. That counts, right?

Good stuff:
- The story telling went well. I wasn't out of the building before at least 1 resident asked the staff to have me back, so I'm scheduled to go again next month. I have another session in another facility this week. The only thing I would have changed last week was a cooler costume option. The AC wasn't very effective.
- I found tomato plants at Home Depot. They're not the heirlooms I wanted, and they were getting to the point of needing to be re-potted. One in particular was pretty puny and I'm hoping it will make a comeback.
- Between running and walking, I did about 10 miles last week. The shocking part is that I'm not sore. My knees twinge a bit on the stairs, but that's about it. I guess that means I have to push more.
- Because the humidity has been driving up the temperatures, even early in the morning, I decided to try running on the treadmill at the Y this morning. I think it went all right, and I did like that it figured out all my stats for me so I could log it easily. I still got super sweaty, but I cooled down a lot faster.
- For various reasons, I found myself out and about a few afternoons this week during my low ebb time. As a result, I spent less time in front of the TV snacking.
- Between the reduced snacking and increased exercise, I dropped a couple pounds. Funny how success breeds motivation.
- My fencing teacher has gone back to doing drills with me instead of the free-for-all bouts we've been doing. In these drills, I'm either attacking or defending, so I can see openings better. The best part is I'm not so bruised!
- July birthday shopping is done, and I did a little Christmas shopping while I was at it. Honestly, I think I could have done almost all of Vicky's Christmas shopping on ThinkGeek.com.

Not So Good Stuff:
- We managed most of last week with one car, but this morning 5:45 came awfully early. Driving in with Eric at 6:15, I was praying for an engine. Not sure I've done that before. I don't remember thinking, "This sucks," so many times in an hour before. Hopefully we'll get Vicky's car back in a few days.
- I got more words in last week, and I thought I might make my weekly goal, but then I ran out of plot. Drat! I've backed away a bit and started reading James Scott Bell's "Conflict And Suspense." Hopefully it will help me to increase the drama level so I can sail past the muddle in the middle. Resisting skipping this and moving on to the end, which is what I've done several times in the past and have ended up with pieces of stories.
- My 'boring' time is drawing to another temporary close. I leave next Tuesday to visit my folks in MI. I'm sure Mom will have the week jam-packed.
- I signed up for a session with the personal trainer at the Y last week and he hasn't called me yet to set it up. The gym area was closed two days last week so they could install new equipment, so maybe he's just behind, but I've had communication issues with him before. I followed up this morning and the people I talked to thought that sounded unusual. I told them I'm giving him until Friday to set it up or I'm asking for my money back. It's not like I need a lot of his time. I just need him to set up a game plan for me combining the cardio and weight training. I think I could figure out how to use the machines on my own if he would just tell me which machines, how much weight and number of reps.
- I learned that one of the gals in the praise band has serious mental issues. I thought she was just high strung and tense (like Chihuahua in a past life), but it turns out she has a genuine mental disorder and doesn't think she needs medication. She's been increasing inappropriate with staff members to the point that she's been told via certified mail to stay away from one of the pastors, and she thinks she's being persecuted. She's left the church and I want to tell her I'm praying for her, but I'm afraid she'll imprint on me. That would be really bad. I'm such a mother hen and it's gotten me into trouble, so I know as much as I want to, I can't have contact with her. It's just sad.

This Week:
- Increase my run time and push a little harder.
- Get words in, for heaven's sake!
- Read. I'm going to have to work up stories for next month.
- Get my hair cut. It's too hot to have hair on my neck, and it's not long enough to put up yet.

Have a good week, guys!

Oh dear

Oh dear, it's time for another post where where I list my accomplishments last week ... I don't even hear crickets ... I do hear mosquitoes, though. My area is clouded with those bloodsuckers. I went out to sweep my front porch and made the mistake of wearing shorts. I killed six on my legs in just a couple of minutes. Went back inside and put on protective gear. Sweep front porch.

Cleaned house yesterday, too. Killed a depressing number of spiders. Probably not dangerous, but I don't like them. I know people who will capture them and set them free outside. I squash them. This is probably bad karma.

My roomie's oldest grandson spent Saturday night and most of today with us. He's a lot of fun. And so smart. I played Jeopardy with him on the Wii. He did great. I was amazed how he could figure the answers out. Smart boy. Loves to read. Is reading the Percy Jackson books now.

The anthology for the writing group has been published and shipped. It should go on sale this week, probably Thursday. The cover turned out nice. I'm pleased with it.

This week:
- Continue to work on Murder by the Mile.
- Chores.
- Haircut.
- Doctor visit, which I dread.
- Start walking program again. Going to have to pay for a gym membership. Something about the gym kept me exercising.
- Plan writing group meeting for this coming Saturday.
- Filing.

And that will be my week. Hope you have a great one.

Roll On Down the Highway

Or, in our case, the railway.  This will catch up last week and this week, in case I don't get logged in on Saturday or Sunday.

The Good Stuff:

• Had a good reunion. Out of a class of 230 (with about 200 of us still around), we had thirty attendees with a few spouses.  Apparently, we didn't have the "usual" group (obviously, since I attended!), and there were several people who, like me, either hadn't attended before or hadn't attended for a long time.
• Was able to touch base with a few friends in the Washington, DC, area.  
• We planned this trip well (see below).

The Not So Good Stuff:

• If it could be delayed on this trip, it was.  In fact, this trip has been a comedy of delays, from the three hour delay out of San Antonio while we waited for the other half of the train to arrive from LA (among other things, they were delayed by a freight train being hit by a vehicle), to the re-route around a straight-line wind freight train derailment in western Ohio that took us all over Ohio before finally getting us into Pittsburgh eight hours late.  We left Pittsburgh about half an hour late but arrived in DC on time only to not have our class of car available, but we got two levels upgraded for only $10 more a day (and got the vehicle we really wanted in the first place, which we couldn't have gotten if we'd tried).  We'll see how the rest of the trip goes, but it's been amusing so far.  We planned for things like this to happen when we built the trip, so everything really worked out to our advantage, but other people weren't so happy.
• We were unsuccessful in finding a laundromat in Falls Church, VA, (the hotel didn't have guest laundry facilities), so we washed out a few things to see us through to the end of the trip last night.  When it was still damp this morning, I was using the iron to get everything as dry as I could before we checked out of the hotel this morning. Mr L, in attempt to dry one of my new bras over a lamp this morning, apologized and showed me the hole that burned into it.  I had to laugh.  The lengths some people will go to to obtain that "Peek-a-boo" look.  Really.
• I had a lot of trouble with the extended walking this week (my pedometer said we walked 7.5 and 8 miles respectively, so I don't feel quite so bad).  I pulled out a folding cane for yesterday, and that helped a little.  I also remembered to take some Aleve yesterday to augment the Tylenol.
  

The Week Ahead:

• Enjoy the rest of the trip (New Orleans)
• Mow the lawn in SA on Tuesday
• Head back to Central TX on Wednesday to pick up the kids from boarding (I hope the place is still standing)
• Mow the lawns in Central TX
• Begin, in earnest, decluttering in the house
• Begin teardown on my recumbent bike to determine what parts I need to repair it (Mr L may ask me to wait for him to get back before I do that, so it could be delayed)
• Establish a walking and riding program to increase my stamina in preparation for our October trip.

Trying not to be a mess

Hey.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel the weepies nibbling at my edges and there's no good reason for it. We're all fine.  Laura found a part time job - she starts Tuesday! - and interviewed for a couple more jobs, plus she's dropping off an ap for a full time one tomorrow morning. That's all excellent. Bill's been getting a *little* overtime, just enough to pad the check a smidge, not enough to wear him out. Little Miss is getting over a misc fever/infection thing that's going around the kidlets, but other than mostly sleeping and whining for a couple of days, she's back to her normal energetic and chatty self. Pets are all fine. Got plenty of groceries. I lost 3.2 lbs last week (that's a 43.2 lb loss so far, only 6.8 until I get my 50b charm!) And even the querying stuff is going all right.

Maybe it's because I'm not sleeping? I dunno. I'm in bed 5-8 hours a night, but I feel like I spend most of it tossing and turning. I'm eating okay (been REALLY HONGRY!!! though) and walking 2 miles or more a day. I just don't know. But, maaan, I really want to CRY!

And, yes, I am taking my Vitamin D. I never, ever miss my Vit D.

Tidied up my sewing space this evening and sorted out some fabric to start a table runner for my friend Trina, but my heart isn't in it. I read what I have for the next Dubric novel (about 25k) and found it 'meh' at best. I know what happens next in both main storylines, but really don't give enough of a crap to write it out. I had another request for a full for SPORE, and a request for a partial for Morgan, plus five very, very nice declinations. So nice I want to send thank you notes. But that's not appropriate, I guess. I have about 4 loads of laundry to fold and put away, but I have zippo ambition to do it. Probably ought to clean the kitchen, especially the under side of the microwave, it's kinda greasy/sticky, but again, zippo ambition.

My doc put me on progestin to help control some of the PITA preimenopause symptoms I'd been having, and I'm not as itchy (definite YAY for that!), but it's the only thing I can think of that'd impact my mood so strongly. I can't think/focus, can't sleep, and all I want to do is either sit and do mindless stuff (like play stupid FB games that I don't even like) or eat or cry. And I'm trying not to eat or cry. So I sit and waste time and energy on mindless crap.

Gah!

I take the last pill in this month's series tonight (might just go ahead and skip the dang thing) and I'll see her again in 2 weeks. Maybe things need adjusted? Maybe I should just deal with the OMG ITCHINESS and insomnia (itchiness better, insomnia NOT, and my libido has taken a definite dive - sorry, Stephen, that was surely TMI, but GAH!!!). If my problem isn't the hormone pills I don't know what I'm gonna do. Maybe it's my age. Maybe I'm not getting enough protein. Maybe it's just the world's cracking apart with hatred and crushing the weak and helpless while greed and power run amok without end and I can't stop worrying about it. I dunno.

I can't go on like this, though. And it's not a black dog, I've had the black dog, this is not the same at all. I'm not pulling anything IN, not running endless tapes of self loathing through my head, not blaming myself for anything, nothing like that. This is just endless, quivering SORROW. And it really sucks.

I hope you all have a good, safe, happy week.  {{hugs}}

So quiet...

The Boys have gone home. Alex went back to college today. Let the boring begin! I have about 2 weeks before I head to MI for a few days with the parents. I did see on Facebook this week that Southwest Airlines is starting non-stop service from St. Louis to Grand Rapids, MI in August. That's on the west side, and my parents are on the east, but the fares are cheap and I could rent a car, go see Grandma (on the west side, less than an hour south of Grand Rapids) and head east. Pretty excited about that prospect and it will be a great option if I have to get up there in a hurry.

Good Stuff:
- Obviously, the best part was that the Boys were here. We saw quite a bit of Vicky, too, considering she was back to work and school last week.
- We went to see Despicable Me 2, which I thought was very cute. No one else was too impressed. The plot left a lot to be desired but it was funny.
- The Egyptian exhibit at the Science Center left a lot to be desired, too, but it was geared more for kids. It would have been great when we first got here and were homeschooling. The movie that went with it was better.
- I got Danny and Greg in the back yard with the practice swords. That was entertaining! They were scared to hit me. I actually had to give them permission and promise to hit them back. Danny went with me to fencing class yesterday and got one on one instruction. He went in November, too, and learned the basic attacks and defenses. He's been shadow fencing for six months. The problem with practicing alone is that you don't get hit in your weak spots, so you practice them, too. He has a better idea now of what to work on, and I encouraged him to look around for a combat fencing group in his area. With instruction and regular practice, he could kick butt and take names.
- I got a call from a lady I met when I went to talk to the nursing homes about story telling. She's moved to a different facility and called to ask if I would come there, too. They have a breakfast one Saturday a month, and the soonest we could agree on is November, but I'm good with that. The exciting part is that she called me!

Not So Good Stuff:
- I gained another 5 lbs. That puts me within 6 lbs of my delivery weight with Alex. It's time to get serious again about logging food and stepping up the exercise. The Couch To 5K app has been downloaded to my phone, and Greg and I are going to run a 5K when he comes back for Thanksgiving. I need to lose 10 lbs, but I'm shooting for 20. I have jiggly bits that have never jiggled before and I don't like that!
- The only writing I've gotten done in the last 2 weeks was to flesh out a plot bunny. In true form, I got my ideas down and started research. After a little preliminary reading that allowed me to tweak the idea a little, I started looking on Amazon for resource material before I remembered that I have a book to finish first. :-P
- I have my first nursing home story telling this week and haven't started practicing. I do have an idea of what stories I want to tell, but some of them I've never told before.

This Week:
- Watch calories and exercise.
- Rehearse for story telling.
- Write. Need book words. My dreams are getting more bizarre by the night.
- Laundry, dishes, etc.

Last but not ... well, mostly just last

How are you? Good, I hope. I hope this coming week is good. Mostly I worked on MBTM and did chores last week. That's what's coming this week. Writing group meeting on Saturday. Finishing the anthology. That's about it.

Thought I would share a post from 51313 Harbor Street. Don't know if you read it. But this post ... it's still how I feel right now.

Bitter

Sometimes I get bitter. Angry at myself. For my past decisions. For all things I did and have yet to do. The blind mistakes that hurt people. The loves I lost for not loving enough or loving too much. The financial mistakes that I compounded by making more.

After a while, you begin to doubt yourself. You become afraid of doing anything because you can't see beyond your actions; the unintended consequences branch out of control.

It's an illusion, you know. Control isn't possible. We have such power, but not the wisdom or the foresight to use it safely.

Eventually you end up motionless. Paralysed by the unknown. You can plan. You can scheme. You can hope. But ultimately you cannot know what comes next. Only the fools rush in. Or those blinded by their desires. And you no longer have the comfort of blindness.

That old saying. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." It carries more wisdom than we want to acknowledge.

So we sit, powerless. Perhaps complaining. Perhaps in ignorance. Perhaps in sorrow, but we sit. Trying to see our way clear of the morass of bitter knowledge.

Don't you ever wish you didn't know what you do now? Do you ever long for those blissful days where you strode through your life as if you owned it? When failure seemed so unlikely that it never ended into your mind? When it seemed like the sun would forever shine on your innocent heart?

I do. God, how I do.