So things aren't right here. Worst health I've ever been in. Worst financial shape since college. Personal life ... well, that's still the same.
Doesn't matter.
Decided to lose weight and become healthy. Pulled out my low carb cookbook and crossed out all recipes that weren't low sodium. Been making low carb meals every day. Still cheating some, but that's tapering off. Walking every day, not far at all, but it's a start.
Pulled out story notes and started stepping into the Ryton world. Time to finish Murder by the Mile and publish it.
Things are never optimal. Always feel outnumbered. Always feel outgunned. Always feel out of place and alone.
Doesn't matter.
I feel a better life out there in front of me. Maybe I will never reach it. Maybe it will be always be around the next corner. Maybe I will be always be poor and ill and sad. Probably. Going to try anyway. Tired of sitting still. Of being defeated.
This isn't optimism. Don't want to mislead you. This isn't hope. It's more of stubborn bloody-mindedness. It's what I possess in abundance. And it will carry me on.
I think this is clarity. It's what I can see. Maybe not the horizon, but at least the steps before me. That's enough. For now.
Hope you have a great week. Stay warm.
4 comments:
Yeah. I'm in a similar place. {{hugs}}
Sometimes all we can see is what's just ahead. Just that one step.
I have faith in you. {{hugs}}
If you're interested, I 'Walk with Leslie' in my basement about 5 days a week and it's really helped me a LOT to firm up, have more energy, and become more flexible. I know you walk, too, but with the weather being so craptastic everywhere, I thought I might share a linky to one of her videos. It's a whole body workout, but you absolutely can take it at your own pace, if you think it might help. When I started, I just did the warm up for like a week - wore me out!! - then I added one set. When I got to where that didn't make me feel like I was gonna faint, I added one more set, and so on. Also you can walk slowly, or just walk instead of kick, or whatever *you* might need to do to help make it work for you. I worked my way up to a 5k this past fall - took me a year but I did it!! - so I know her stuff helps. Anyway, here's the link to a pretty basic 1 mile walk. http://youtu.be/ndVjwkaLGDk
Clarity is a VERY good thing. More {{hugs}}
Thank you, Tammy, for your support. It means a lot to me. :)
I'm going to try the walking today. Maybe it will warm me up a bit!
When all else fails, stubborn bloody-mindedness gets the job done. I, too, have faith in you.
Tammy's walking suggestions are good ones. I'm doing the 90 Days to A New You challenge on Lift. It's jumping jacks, squats, and pushups. I used to be able to do pushups just fine. Not any more. I'm doing wall pushups for this 90 day stint to get some shoulder strength back. When I got my knees done, they told me no more jumping jacks, so I modify those to just moving my arms and flexing my knees slightly -- it feels very strange, and I'm not sure it does any good, but it's a modification. Squats were what I anticipated having the most trouble with, and that wasn't as true as I thought it would be at first, but it is now. I try to do one set a day or as many as I can do, because I DO feel them making a difference.
That's a lot of words to say something is better than nothing in this game called life.
You can do it, Stephen! Yesterday is gone. All we have is this moment. I'm sorry you feel out of place and alone, but you're not here. Here, you're just one of the girls. Guys. Dudes. Peeps. You know what I mean.
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