Wendy reminded me that it was my turn to post now. Or actually I think she wasn't reminding me; she was telling me to post. Wendy's got a bit of coach in her, she does.
Life:
The start of last week defined frustration. The sewer stopped functioning Monday, and after a lot of digging in the backyard, we discovered that tree roots had broken into the city's pipes so they had to called. A man came out and looked at the line and said a crew would arrive at 7 a.m. on Tuesday, dig it up, and fix it. Then we'd have to reconnect our line. Tuesday rolled around, and another man showed up to assess the line (again) and said they would send a crew out, but couldn't say when exactly. My roomie and I discussed getting hotel rooms for the duration of this lovely experience, but as it turned out, we didn't need to do so. The city crew showed up with a backhoe and fixed their line AND tied ours back into the city line AND filled in the huge hole, too. Nicely done, and I appreciated it.
The car remains broken. My roomie is letting me drive his car, and he's driving his truck. I appreciate him and his willingness to help me out. Don't know what to do about the car. It needs to be towed to a mechanic -- which I can get done with my roomie's truck and a tow rope -- but paying the mechanic remains impossible currently.
Continuing to walk almost every day. Sometimes it's really hard to go and even harder to keep going after I get there. But I can't get the results on my blood sugar any other way. I'll keep doing it until I can't. I WILL NOT STOP BECAUSE OF LACK OF WILL.
Had some bad things happen Thursday and Friday. Sometimes people can't resist kicking you when you're down. Not really worth talking about now, but it threw me for a loop. Hate it when I let other people affect me like that.
Need a job. So tired of searching. So tired of being told no. Taken so many hits to my ego that I don't know if it will ever recover. I've stopped self-examination because the word failure rises too much. Now is not the time for those thoughts. Those thoughts can take me to places I can't go again. Sometimes I get angry at people who think they understand and think they can solve my problems and are so smug in their happy lives ... Well, that's an ugly thought, but I'll let it stand. I've never been afraid of what's inside me. And if I'm bitter now, I'm certainly paid for the right to be so. For a few minutes. Heh. What a whiner.
Is fall ever going to get here?
Writing:
Signed up for CampNaNoWriMo. Was doing okay until Wednesday, and then things fell apart. Well, I'm picking the story back up tomorrow. I may not make 50,000 words, but I'm going to try. We'll see if Circles survives the experience. Also, working on Murder by the Mile. I feel desperate to finish something, anything. I keep getting this weird feeling that if I don't finish a book soon, I won't ever again.
Clutter:
Have been organizing my paper supplies, mostly because I need to be able to find them when I make a card. Sold a few more cards. The personalization and my weird humor seems to be the selling points. I worry about the appearance more than they do. I want/need/insist that the cards look professional. Seems a strange thing to make a point of pride about, but people are paying for the cards. I want them to feel like they got their money's worth.
Otherwise, still planning for a garage sale, but the weather has been so hellishly hot that it's hard to plan anything. I've talked to a couple of friends who have had sales, and they've been disappointed by the turnout. No surprise really.
Finis:
Nothing else to tell you. Was reading one of my poems from EndlesS. Seems appropriate at this moment.
Counting My Regrets
These are the mistakes I made
the ones that got away.
These are the kisses I should have taken
the ones I thought would come again.
These are the joys I put off
the ones left for times never to come.
These are the sorrows I hid
the ones I thought someday I would share.
These are the truths untold
the ones that would have set me free.
These are the lies I lived
the ones I thought protected me.
These are the bodies untouched
how could I have known?
These are the waters undared
afraid of depths I drown in shallows.
This is how I pass my nights
counting regrets instead of sheep.
Copyright 2008 by Stephen B. Bagley.
7 comments:
I'm so sorry for all the bad stuff going on in your life. This has been a lousy year for you. At least the city fixed your sewer line. I was a little concerned how you were going to pay for that on top of everything else.
Re: your cards, I understand you want the to look professional. It's great that you do, but don't over-professionalize them. (yes, that is a word.) hand made cards are more special than cards picked up on the fly at the Dollar Store.
Hang in there hon. We're here for you to come and vent at will. You need to let the bad mojo out.
Love,
Coach
;-)
Great news that the city took care of the pipes -- including the reconnection. I love it when my "city guys" come to the rescue (yes, like they're supposed to, but I still love it when they do).
Thank you for the birthday cards -- both Stephen and Wendy. Your cards are lovely, Stephen. Is each one custom? How do you work the order? (My dad's birthday is the 26th of this month....)
I hear you on the yard sale. We had dramatically lower traffic than normal last weekend -- about half. I can only conclude the crushing heat was largely responsible. Mid-September may be a better time.
If you can't whine and gripe here, where can you do it? By the way, I'm not sure what it is with the people we love getting to us so much. I spend a lot of time wondering if it's me, them, or just the way things are.
Many, many {{{huggs}}}}
Thanks, Coach! :) Don't step in the bad mojo. It's hard to get out.
You're welcome, Jean. Yes, each card is custom. I show my portfolio to a person, and he or she picks out a card or two, gives me the names to personalize it, pays me, I make the cards and deliver them to the customer. I can send PDFs of the cards, but it takes a while, and I usually only send three PDFs cause of the time factor. Did you want to send a serious sweet card to your dad or something funny? And if funny, how funny? I do have a very nice non personalized card for a birthday for dad. It's one of my favorites. Cards run $3.50 to $5.50, depending on card and envelope. And usually shipping is $1, depending on the number of cards sent.
Thanks, Tammy! Hugs are always appreciated. :)
It's Dad's 70th birthday, so I'd like to acknowledge that milestone, perhaps with a touch of humor. He's a voracious reader, enjoys woodworking, photography, and nature. Most of his best photographs are of nature.
Your pricing is more than fair, and I'd be delighted to pay it (let me know how you'd want to receive payment).
Jean, do you have a photo (head shot) that you could send me of your dad? I have a very good card that uses a head shot. Black and white, but I can convert if you don't have one of him. What would be really awesome would be a photo of him and you. I have another card that uses a couple together.
Jean, my dad turned 70 last month. :-)
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